Wednesday, 17 October 2012

When attraction becomes distraction

Getting attracted to someone other than your partner is not a big deal but how you handle that attraction is.
It's common to feel attracted to the new girl in the office or to your boss, it's natural. We deal with attractions daily in our lives and often times it's not based on physical appearance alone, it could be character or intelligence or other qualities.
Managing this attraction outside your relationship is a big issue for some couples. Attractions could lead to distractions which could lead to affairs and this may eventually ruin your relationship.

Couples in long distance relationship or working in a closed place working environment are likely to deal with attractions outside their relationships. But how do one identify when an attraction is becoming a distraction?
1. The signs that your attraction is distracting you from your relationship may not be that glaring but subtle.
However, when you start spending more time with your attraction than with your partner, then you should be careful. Are you always on the phone with him/her? Texting, pinging, chatting? Do you long for your lunch hours together than you do with your partner? Are you eager to get her alone to talk to? Do you love to engage her in more discussion than necessary? Are you always looking for a way to get to talk to her while ignoring your partner? All these are signs that you are getting distracted from your relationship. You should try to kill the attraction before you fall into temptation.
2. You also get distracted from your beautiful relationship when you start comparing your partner with your object of attraction. It's easier to feel that you are not married to the most beautiful woman in the world, thus, you are allowed to stray your eyes a bit but if when you do, you find yourself wishing your partner wears her hair long or his dress sense should be more sophisticated like your point of attraction, then you are getting distracted. This might be harmless a bit but if you constantly compare both in an annoying way, it's a sure sign that you are getting distracted and likely to cheat on your partner. Kill it!
3. Your body language could also betray you when you are with your new attraction. Your body language towards such formal expressions such as handshakes, hugs, will determine if you are getting distracted or not. Do you hold on a bit longer after a handshake? Do you get goose bumps if they accidentally bump into you or part of their body brush against yours? Do you feel like melting into him/her when they hug you? If the answer is yes, then it's time to put on your shield.
4. Unnecessary anger or argument over petty stuffs with your partner is another way of finding out if you are getting distracted in your relationship. When you are attracted to someone else other than your spouse or partner, you have the tendency to go bonkers with your partner over petty stuffs. Suddenly you feel they are not too good for you. You may even fight over the spill of milk on the fridge. Once you feel attracted to someone, you are blinded to their bad sides, you feel they are better than your partner. Don't be fooled by this. It's only a momentary feeling. Unless your partner gives you a reason to believe such.
But how do you deal with such distractions?
1. Communicate with your partner: If you know your attraction would ruin your relationship, it's better you talk to your partner about it. Together, both of you can find a solution to that. While you may wonder how your partner will react if they find out that you are attracted to your new secretary, why don't you also ponder on how your silence could also ruin your relationship. Communication brings understanding, and with understanding comes a solution.
Attraction at times could make you re-evaluate your relationship. It could be a turning point for you and your partner to get things done properly.
2. Create a distance: You should try as much as you can to create a distance between you and your object of attraction. It's not denial. It's discipline and a safety measure to keep your relationship. Unless you are on the verge of breaking up your relationship.
3. Set boundaries: Knowing your weaknesses, it's better you set boundaries to prevent you from getting trapped. If a hug will lead you astray, keep to handshakes or better still, a nod will do. Don't expose yourself to situations that will make you lose focus and do something you will probably regret later.
4. Tell it off: Sometimes attraction could be thrown at our faces. It could be aggressive and you may feel helpless. Well, you can save yourself by telling them off. Let he/she know that you have no plan to have an affair with them. Be bold and blunt about it. Don't allow self-pity to get the best of you.
5. Pass the right message: You have to be careful with your verbal and body language. It will be delusional to pass a compliment heavy with sexual innuendo to someone you are attracted to and not expect him/her to come after you. This is why we should be careful with the way we tease people that we feel attracted to because we wouldn't want to send the wrong message across to them.
Finally, seek for ways to appreciate your partner. Remind yourself of the good times you have spent with him/her. Let them know you still care for them.
Answering these questions will help you stop that attraction from being a distraction in your relationship.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

1 comment:

  1. Good article, but...
    Unless we humans pay attention to each others' needs, continue to work on them each day without taking each other for granted, attraction will always lead to affairs, most of the time, even though, history will repeat itself with the attraction.
    My grandfather used to say, "What made you marry the second wife will also make you marry the third." Or in your parlance, I would say, what makes you attracted to the next person will make you attracted to the next after that.
    May God help us all