Monday, 29 October 2012

Help!!! I'm afraid of men...

Dear Vay,

It's been a while I have been in a good relationship. After going through series of relationship, I'm left with the notion that every man is a monster. You may think I'm a bit too harsh but the men I have dated so far gave me a hard knock on my head(pun intended). The last guy I dated left me because I refused to have sex with him. I know pre-marital sex is no longer a big deal but sex to me means more than the thrusting and the momentary pleasure. The one before him lied to me about his marital status and nearly ruined my life.

The uncertainty, the lies, the betrayal got me running away from men. Is there really a good man out there or are we just deceived that good men actually exist?
Or are the heart of men desperately wicked? Why can't a man treat a woman kindly?
So much violence, mistrust, and emotional abuse in relationships nowadays. Even men of God divorce their wives. Who is safe then from this evil men parading themselves everywhere? Please I want to meet a good man. And by good I mean "good" in all ramifications.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN


  1. Someone once said:
    if you think there are no good men out there, your mates are getting married every saturday...
    I will say, your time will come you may just have to kiss some frogs first.
    It's sometimes funny to me when a girl suddenly decide to be a virgin after she was sexually active in her previous relationship. I understand if you want to make sure he is the one first before opening your legs, but denying him totally? No further comment...

  2. Question: Does Eve appreciate the way her dad handles her mom? And if she doesn't, does she think her mom is good enough a woman to deserve a better man than her dad? Is Eve good enough a woman to deserve a good man? I doubt ALL that.
    To me, Eve sounds like a confused girl... who doesn't even know what she really want/need/like/love/hate in a man. It takes a very stupid and confused woman to not know that the guy you date is a married/not married one. Actually, I think she needs to slow down, relax, and takes one step at a time...Men respect women who respect themselves and think before they say yes or no...

  3. Of course there are still good men just as there good women out there. But good in itself doesn't constitute good or everlasting relationships. And when we do find the "Good men or women" other matters such as our preferences, values, tradition, expectations, religious believes, cultural or traditions backgrounds, societal norms, the words by the experts, and our own name it, come into play...consciously or otherwise.
    What do you do then? Just suggestions...
    1. Be realistic about your limitations, wants, needs, and desires: Look yourself
        in the mirror and evaluate what you see objectively...Don't deceive yourself.
        Make sure you know that one man's meat is your meat.That your poison is
        the other person's poison. A square peg can't fit a round hole in the end.
    2. Reevaluate your expectations: not all women or men are queens or princesses
        as many made us to believe. That appellation only happen from mom and dad
        or friends who want to make you feel good.  
    3. Be loving and yet be cautious in your dates. Remember, relationships may be by
        trial and error. Just make sure you have your eyes and senses in working
        conditions when you date. Perfect working conditions.
    4. Talk and observe those before you and evaluate why their relationships seemed to
         work or failed. Read between the lines.
    5. Separate sweet talks, lunches at best restaurants, movies, and all that Jazz at the
        beginning of relationship to determine the good or the bad in a man or woman.
        All that glitters are not gold. men and women will do what it takes at the beginning
        of relationship. Be vigilant and don't be carried away. Remember the saying,  
       "When its too good to be true, that is exactly what it is."
    6. Don't look for relationships because you are lonely or your friends or family
        wanted you to have one. Get to know your partner NOT from a selfish point of
        view but from an objective point of view. This is difficult to achieve but try to
        be yourself and understand each other's point of view. Its like looking for a job:
        know what you want, know what your employer (Partner) wants, and determine
        if it will be a perfect or good fit. All life experiences are interrelated...
    7. Have your own goals and be independent as much as you can. Relying in your
        partner to be your savior all of the time is an old myth. Face your career,
        be good at it. Even it doesn't guarantee good relationship, it makes you stronger,
        it makes you less desperate, and may even give you time to find the right person.
    8.  Face reality.The world today is full of fantasies. That is all it is: Fantasies, to a
         greater extent. No one has a magic want about how to meet and keep a good
         man or woman...But when you find one, respect it.
    9.  And remember, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked, whatever you sow,
         you will reap."
    10. When you find a decent man, yes, "Decent," cherish it instead of taking it for 
          granted because, always remember, there more of you out there fighting
          for the same "Fish" you are fighting for.
    11. Remember, not all men or women are destined to find all they ever wanted.
         Such is life. Find a way to deal with it. many rich, beautiful, and available women
         or men are still single. Relationship may not be made for everyone.
    12. One consolation: Your time will come, if it will come.
    GOOD LUCK in your search for happiness "As you defined it."

  4. Eve is just as confused as most girls u c 2day..4he doesn't knw wat she wnts...she wnts a man gud in all ramifications, is she gud in all ramifications? She nids 2 sit dwn n define wat she wants. No man is gud, not even any woman...ur rltshp moves acording 2 hw u define he a bad man cos he asked 4 sex? Is she a virgin? Womon eh! Tufiakwa!

  5. thank u all for ur comments, sorry for my late response. I'm not delusional or confused when i said that i want a good man, cos apparently there are no good men out there.
    Amos, i'm a good woman and my mum is a good woman, so also my dad. I know what i want but i cant find what i want, at least, not at d moment. I pray i find soon. When it comes to matters of the heart, even the wisest can be gullible, so yeah, i fell victim to that.
    Daniel, my mates are getting married every saturday, good for them, my own is on the way. I can choose to deny him sex if i want to, virgin or no vigin.
    Imafi, thanks for ur tips
    Anonymous, a man is not bad for asking for sex but he shouldnt make it his top priority.

  6. Nt all men ask 4 sex, women do too.. Tell me u dnt,or u neva did