Wednesday, 27 June 2012

"What has homosexuality done that is worse than the evils facing the continent today and beyond"...says author of Family affairs, IMAFI

Family affairs is an erotica written by IMAFI, the publisher of  "Africa and Beyond" magazine,
 in which he has published several non-fiction articles. He is an indigene of Edo state but live in the States.
 His penchant  for writing led him to write this amazing story about homosexuality with a twist of religion.

Click on the link below to watch the trailer on Youtube.

IMAFI, in his book, delicately expressed the need for humans to embrace individualism in order to make the society habitable and free from social problems.He creatively highlights some of the problems faced in our modern family such as acceptance of one's sexuality despite one's religious and cultural beliefs.

The novel which plot was based on the main character, Reverend Shackles, tells a story about a devoted father and Reverend who believed his family was the typical family for his congregation to emulate, until he found out that his teenage daughter was a lesbian.

With gripping themes that surrounds the family and religious beliefs and value systems in the society, such as betrayal, unwanted pregnancy, rape,  suicide, as well as the use of sultry and witty language,  Family affairs promises to be a thought evoking and an emotional literary saga.

In an online chat with me, IMAFI shared his inspiration that led him to embark on such literary voyage. Enjoy!

What inspired you to write this book?


I want to share my thoughts on the intolerance of all children of God against each other when there are many more problems facing mankind on a daily basis.

Is the story a reflection of your personal belief in homosexuality and religion?


No. I believe we are all God's children and I also believe in the rights of individual to live their lives as they see fit. Again, religion should not discriminate but embrace all mankind.

How long have you been living in the States?


36 years

Based on your long stay in the States, what is the acceptance level of homosexuality by the church?


In public, not accepted or openly supported. Some are more understanding
but in general it's still a taboo. To some extent, its generally acceptable.

You focus more on the lesbians in your book, are you among those who think lesbians are cool but gay is a no no?


At times, homosexuality refers to both gays and lesbians. I had simply focused on lesbianism to make my point about love, tolerance, understanding, and togetherness. 

Some psychologists refer homosexuality as an abnormal behaviour while religious bulwarks especially the Christians see homosexuality as an abomination in sight of God, do you agree with them?


 No . I do not agree. Even Plato and Aristotle and many of their associates were wrong in their analysis of human behaviour. In the end, who are we to pass judgment on others? I think the Bible addressed that aspect of judge not...

As an African man, do you think homosexuality is a dent to our culture and religion?


The question is "What culture?" How do we value the importance of culture? "Do we have all the facts that homosexuality was not or has not been part of  our culture? Are we talking about the ones we know and many we may not know amongst us?My point is that culture or no culture, its time we respect individualism because so far, in my opinion, our society has not solve the ever mounting problems facing mankind.
 In recent past, we saw pastors engaging in homosexuality while they publicly condemned it. Hypocrites.

Looking at the way Africans in the diaspora are against homosexuality and the kind of punishment meted out to people with such sexual trait, what's your opinion on that?


I think these leaders should try to solve more urgent problems facing the continent. What had homosexuality done that are worse than the evils facing the continent today and beyond?
 They should solve the problems of infant mortality, corruption, poverty, education, poor standard of living, citizen abuse, development, religious conflicts...and you name it 

Like you mentioned in your book, the positive side of homosexuality, what are the steps you think can be taken to sensitize  those who are against LGBT in Africa?


Through education, love and understanding. Allowing individualism will go a long way too. We need to love one another starting from families, to those powerless to help  themselves. In the world, there are many homosexuals who are productive just as anyone else.

In your book, you were agitating for "freedom for all" the popular US President political campaign slogan, do you think the same should be applied in the African community?


Yes. It's time we move with the rest of the world. Its amazing that the same leaders rush to go abroad with their children, wife, and girlfriends, and yet criticise the same country for their progressive ideas. African leaders need to make a clear choice and stop using valuable time to publicise issues inconsequential to the society at large.

What is your own stance in homosexuality based on your religious background?


I am indifferent. I respect individualism provided they do not abuse others based on their preferences. They are all God's children just as we, the so called "Normal" are children of God.

With such a controversial book like this, what are your expectations from the audience and critics as well?


I hope they would open their minds and soul and make it a subject of discussion for mankind to accommodate, understand, and love....I ask for nothing more.

To purchase this book, click on the link below:

Thursday, 21 June 2012

SEX ON A FIRST DATE... Why he would ask you for sex on a first date.

SEX ON A FIRST DATE... Why he would ask you for sex on a first date.
Preparing for a first date could be a headache at times especially if you have been anticipating this meeting for a long time. You have to come up with the perfect dress or attitude. It's like you have to keep in check of everything you are doing. From your outfit to the way you smile and all other mannerisms.
But it's not all about your appearance or mannerisms that you are worried about. Other likely turn-ups such as sexual attraction may also make you jittery on a first date.
A first date in this context refers to the first outing you are having with someone you have met earlier or have a conversation with. You may have been having harmless conversations on the phone or through the internet, probably you have been sharing your fantasies online or sexting and just when you are about to make it a reality, you hear this conscious voice asking you if you are doing the right thing. Is this what you want from this date?
Then you start deliberating if you should allow him to kiss you, what extent can you allow him to take liberties with you? You are consumed with so much expectations and fear. You ask yourself what if you give in to this momentary pleasure, will it deprive you of the opportunity to enjoy something much better and lasting? Will he see you as a shag or a cheap lady? What will be his perception about you? And what if he never calls back? What if he never returns your call?
All these are the usual symptoms of anxiety a lady feels when she is going out on a first date with the most constant question being "should I have sex on a first date?"
The conventional advice is never give in on the first date, make him wait, sweat, frustrated and all of that shaky feelings. Let him know that you are not cheap or a shag, make him respect you, value you and appreciate you.
If by not sleeping with him on the first date will make him have a good impression of you, so what happens if you decide to have sex with him on the third or fourth date, will that make him appreciate you more? Will he always come back for more or take you down the aisle?
Chances are he may not call you back or maybe he will call you back. When it comes to sex, men are more sexually inclined than women. An average woman believes that having sex with someone they love takes the relationship to another level, tightens the bond they share, make them more inseparable.
Sadly, this is not the same for men. For a man sex is just what it is: sex! There is a clear difference between sex and love in a man's world. A man's love for a woman is not deepened by sex but a combination of other qualities as his sexual passion diminishes over time
When a man is on a first date with a woman, his demand for sex could be aroused by the following factors:
1. Past conversations: The type of conversation you have with a man before your first date will make him want to ask for sex on the first date. Probably he met you in the mall or in a bar or online and you exchange your number or BB pin or Facebook or twitter account username and get talking. Depending on the pattern of your conversation with him will determine if he will ask you of sex on first date or not. If you have given him the impression that you are the naughty type or probably the adventurous type, he will definitely want to try it out with you because obviously your conversation on the date will be channelled towards your ability to convince him that you were not just bluffing but are what you say you are.
On the other hand, we humans strive to make a first impression, thus exhibiting those fractions of our personality we want people to see. So if you go all naughty on him on the phone and act prudish on first outing that will definitely give him a false impression about you.
However, you may act all professional or natural on him in the virtual world and then go all mushy on him in reality. Then you will make him think that you were just acting and really wanted sex and this may also be a turn off except he is being taunted by that dark voice that says "grab this opportunity, good guys always end up losers" and there is a high possibility that he may never call you back.
The truth is that while we may not want to wash our dirty linens outside for the world to see, it's better we try not to be who we are not because whoever is going to like you will like you whether you give him sex on the first date or last date. It is advisable then you try as much as you can to decipher the character of the person you are hanging out with before you unzip your pants. If you think it doesn't matter to you if he comes back or not. Then be free to do whatever you are comfortable in doing.
2. First place of contact : Your first place of contact with a man will tell if he will ask for sex from you or not. If a man should meet you in the club, he will probably believe he has high chances of sleeping with you on a first date. Especially if he is sexually attracted to you on first sight.
However, with the growing trend of social media such as Facebook, BlackBerry, twitter and others, getting free sex has become easily accessible. These social media has provided the individual a veil to reveal his/ her perverse fantasies. Most people who spend long hours on the internet usually seek for free sex from other online users. While some could be upfront with it by sexting, others start with harmless conversations which are usually professional or social, then deftly manoeuvre into the sex scene. Some may not even border on any sex topic at all.
In the virtual world, never believe everything you see. People give false information about themselves just to get laid. That is why anonymity is a constant trend for perverse stalkers. Internet experts are constantly warning internet users to be careful about the personal information they put online because it is a porous medium.
Depending on where he met you, a man can choose to ask you for sex or not, be it on a shopping mall or at a party.
3. Your manner of dressing: Women are always confused when it comes to dressing up for a first date. They don't really want to look like a decorated masquerade, at the same time, they don't want to look like the beggar from the street. Coming up with the right dress that will send the right message is a top priority for a lady when planning for a first date. However, you may want to be sure of the kind of message you want to pass on while trying out your Armani gorgeous short red gown.
If you are dressed too sexy for a man on a first date, be ready to go down with him because men are more visually inclined to sex. You won't expect him to preach all the way without gawking at your exposed boobs begging to be sucked. A man gotta do what he gotta do...
We all want to look sexy for our first date even though he looks like Shrek. Despite all the pep talk about a woman's beauty stemming from her character, brain but not the appearance, a woman's confidence lies on the way she looks, if not they won't bother buying all the Macs and Mary Kays in the beauty store.
But dressing indecently will not make him have any regard for you. You can dress all covered up and still look sexy. Not till you expose your 50 pounds of flesh on your thighs or the sagging boobs would he get his lips licking. You can dress all chic and be sexy, not only that but will save yourself the exercise of slapping his hands when they stray to your boobs or thighs...
That said, it is absolutely left to you to decide if you want to have sex on a first date or not. If you think it will ruin your chances of having a relationship, then it's better you save it till you are sure your date got good plans for a future with you. But hey, if you are in for the fun... Be my guest and get your freak on...just have at the back of your mind that you ain't getting any younger...