Monday, 7 January 2013


Contrary to the general belief that most married men engage in extra-marital affairs for sex, some married men said this is not actually true. "It's not all about the sex" said a male BBM contact of mine. "Sex could be a driving force but it's not what really leads the men astray." Majority of married women out there believe that sex is the main driving force that leads their husbands away from them. Well, it’s more than the sex.
Here are a few things that could make a man stray outside his marital home.

Lack of appreciation

When a man doesn't get appreciated for his efforts at home, he feels useless, unwanted and unloved. He tends to look for appreciation outside. A man loves to be adored. He loves to feel that his presence in the house is highly appreciated. When a man doesn't feel a tad appreciated and find some lady who idolizes him in the minutest way, he is bound to fall in love with her or assume he loves her.
A bit 'thank you' to your husband for fixing the dishwasher or helping out in the house chores won't harm you. A man knows his duty as a husband is to provide for the family, yet he wants to feel that someone recognizes his efforts and laud him for that.
Ok, we all know men generally hate this awful trait of ours. When we complain endlessly about something they consider meaningless or baseless, they get irritated. Men would never understand why we complain about these things. Anyway, constant nagging is bound to send that man to some other lady who will be willing to listen to his troubles. The last thing a man wants to come home to is to a nagging wife. Right from the doorstep she is screaming at you for the piled electricity bills you haven't paid, the children's school fees, how you forgot to take the dog out in the morning and now it ruined her lovely Persian rug, how you can't even satisfy her in bed because you work round the clock; all these could certainly send a man to an early grave.  When all we do is talk the hell out of the man, he is left with no choice if he finds a woman who cares enough to shut up and let him speak. Instead of ranting, why not give him a cuddle and allow him few hours of respite before you attack him. This way, you can get his full attention when you are making your complaints
Lack of sexual desire
A fan emailed me about this particular problem. According to him, wives tend to lose their sexual drive or desire when they are married. They become too complacent and see sex as a gratification tool. But man does not live by sex alone. Little acts of intimacy could make a man feel wanted and needed. When you constantly shut the door at him or give him your back when he wants to get intimate, you are unconsciously pushing him out there.
Besides, some women tend to pay less attention to their sex appeal. They care little or nothing how they attract their husbands sexually after marriage. In a world driven by sex, it won't be hard before someone else catches his fancy.
Wives should not feel nonchalant about their physical appearance after marriage. From your weight size to your lingerie, let it reel his senses and draw the man's attention to you like a magnet. I find it funny when a married woman dresses indecently all in the name of being sexually attractive. You must know the right clothing that will drive your husband senseless sexually. Something that would make you look more chicky than slutty. When you make it too obvious that you are trying to get his attention, he might lose interest. Remember, men love the chase.

We live in a world where sex sells more than any commodity. Sex is everywhere, from the media to the streets. Sexual imagery is everywhere. And men find it hard to resist this temptation. At the workplace, there is sex displayed by the seductive secretaries and marketers in their sexy outfits, no matter how corporate they try to look in it. On the streets, there are teenagers who are eager to fit into the fast pace of fashion luring men to their sweet innocence. As a young man told me "there are too many beautiful women out there and it's so hard to resist."

Ego boost
Alright, we know men love to get their ego stroked. And what could better prove to a man that he still got it in him if not by the number of ladies he has scored outside his marriage. To be needed by someone else, especially a single lady despite competition he has from the cool single guys out there can simply notch up a married man's ego. He feels on top of the world. He feels he still got his mojo. In fact, he could brag to his friends about it.
This seem to have a historic background as our forefathers back then are known to use the number of wives to measure their affluence. History is simply just repeating itself.
Despite all the points given, I still find it amazing when I see a man whose wife possess all the good qualities still get involved in an extra-marital affair. What could be the problem?
Someone told me that you just can't find it all in one person. That you will still long for something else. This leads us to the 'craving variety' logic. The one most men are eager to give as an excuse for their cheating nature. Like our Nigerian men will say "Too much of egusi is not good for the body." But how many soups do you want to taste? Edikaikong? Afang? Ogbono? Ewedu? Oha? You no dey tire???
Cheating has always been in existence and even with Christianity; it's still practiced among us. Besides, married women are also getting back in the game too which is an unhealthy step to take because the woman's value can never be measured to a man. A woman who cheats on her husband might be doing so out of revenge or probably to prove to the man that they are equals, after all, it's all about women empowerment. This act is wrong. Paying back with cheating doesn't heal you of any heartbreak or make you equal to a man. You end up hurting yourself more. Nevertheless, cheating shouldn't be condoned by any party. Cheating does not only hurt your partner but you as well in the long run. Everything boils down to the respect you have for yourself and self-discipline you've inculcated. If you love and respect yourself enough, you would not want to hurt yourself.
Often times you hear a philandering married man claiming that he loves his wife and yet he cheats on her. How can you hurt someone you love?
To some, they feel there's nothing wrong with cheating if they provide for the family and carry out their responsibilities. This ought not to be so. As a husband, your responsibility doesn't end there. You owe your wife that love and respect. You have to see to her emotional needs as well.
People will always cheat on their spouse but the choice is theirs to keep their marriage happy and peaceful.  To the wives out there, the ball lies in your court. It’s your duty to keep him on a leash or let him run wild.

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