Thursday, 14 April 2011
Just as I was enjoying this lovely dream of being walked down the aisle by my sweetheart, smiling and wriggling underneath my blanket,reveling in the lovely romantic feelings, my phone rang.
I ignored it at first but when it rang consistently, I sleepily reached for it. The moment I saw who the caller was, the mist cleared instantly from my eyes. Like a thunderbolt, it crashed my beautiful dream to a halt.
"Drat!" I cussed as I threw the blanket off my body and tiptoed to the bathroom. In a hush tone I said "hello" as I closed the bathroom door gently with my left leg.
" Baby, what's wrong? Why are you not picking up your calls?"
"I was fast asleep, it's still morning over here you know" I replied with a notch of sarcasm.
There was a brief pause before he asked where I was. I immediately turned the tap on.
"I'm in the bathroom cleaning up."
"Well, I'm outside your door."
I instantly froze. What the f**k! The colour drained from my face as I sank on the bath tub.
"What did you just say?" I asked again to be sure I have heard the right thing.
"I said I'm home baby, I'm outside in the cold! Please open up ."
It occurred to me then that it had rained heavily last night. I really don't mind if he dies in the cold.
Oh my God! Shit! Shit! Shit!
What have I done? I asked myself as I stood up and stare at the mirror. What mess have you gotten yourself into? How did you get here? I ran my hand through my already messed up hair from last night escapade. What am I going to do now? Why didn't he tell me he was on his way home? Why did he have to turn up so impromptu? What was he thinking? That I would be in bed alone? After five years and he just appeared on my doorstep out of the blue.
I had unconsciously dropped the phone on the floor. Not until it beeped again did I pick it up.
"What's wrong with you? Do you want me to freeze to death?"
I hated his tone. I so much wanted to tell him to go back to wherever he came from. I wanted to tell him to vanish into the thin air and leave me alone! I wondered what hurricane blew him back. I don't need him anymore. He is history! I have moved on, but I couldn't bring myself to say all these to him. As painful as it is, I owe a lot to him. Weakly I told him to hang on that I'm coming.
I washed my face and then headed back to the bedroom where Segun was still sleeping peacefully. I stood there staring at him. My new love. The man who had wiped away my tears during those stormy nights. He had held me close when loneliness choked me, had sailed with me during the turbulent waves of my life. What would I have been if he had not stopped and said "hello" that fateful afternoon at the mall. The memory was so clear like yesterday...
Standing few metres away from me, he had given me the most charming smile I have ever seen, holding out my wallet to me.
"I think this belongs to you." he said, flashing the most perfect teeth I have ever seen. I was immediately attracted to him like a magnet but my countenance then was not encouraging as I had issues to deal with. I muffled a thank you and took it from him. I expected him to walk away but he stood there staring down at me. It was then I realised he was towering over me. I looked up to the giant who barred my way and the look in his eyes melted me instantly. I found myself stuttering, shifting my feet from one leg to another as I asked him to make way for me to pass.
He moved aside as I made my way to the cashier. I could still feel those brown eyes burning at my back. I wanted to turn around and stare again, just one last time because I know we could never be together. Never! I'm out of bounds...
But here he was, sleeping on my bed so angelic, I have to wake him up. I have to tell him that we can't be together. That I wished I could spend my entire life with him, to wake up in his arms every morning,to be everywhere with him, to listen to his laugh and bask in his smile, to make sweet passionate love to him every night...
I kissed his forehead and caressed his eyebrows. He turned and smiled at me.
"Honey, you are up. Is Amy ok?" he asked pulling me to his chest as he blew me a kiss. My heart wrenched in pain. Why can't I be with him? Why should I let him go? Why? Why? Why? I asked countlessly as a tear slipped from my eyes and dropped on his bare chest. He tilted my face up with his index finger and stared at me.
"Honey, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Is it Amy?"
He sat up and held me close. His forehead was already drawing lines of worry, his eyes filled with so much concern. Without warning, tears began to flow. I began to shake as I tried to control the tears. Segun was taken aback, he got out of bed and knelt in front of me. He began to kiss my tears away, fondling my hands before scooping me in his arms. I felt like a baby as he consoled me.
My breath became short and raspy. I have to tell him now. I can't take advantage of his caring attitude to hurt him more. I slipped out of his arms and stood in front of him, my head lowered. I couldn't meet his gaze, not now. I don't want to see the hurt in his eyes when I tell him goodbye.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
I nodded in the affirmative.
He held my hand and led me back to bed. I thought of thousands of ways to start my story, but none seemed plausible enough. How could I tell him that my husband was outside in the cold? That the daughter he had come to love was not his? That the woman he had loved for two years now was a married woman? That she had used him all these while? The pain stabbed at my heart again. I clutched my nightdress tightly to my chest. Suddenly I felt cold, I began to shiver. Sensing my body language, he drew me close to his body.
"It's ok baby, daddy is here for you."
Just then there was a big bang on the door. I sprang to my feet immediately and headed for the door but Segun stopped me.
"I will get it love."
"Nooooo!" I screamed, pulling him back.
He gave me a puzzled look
"Please, let me handle this ok?" I pleaded. He shrugged and watched me walk down the hall to the sitting room.
The journey seem to be eternity. Every step was heavy laden. Scenes of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the closet" played on my mind. I saw myself as the woman in that video. The only difference was that she had a closet to hide her lover while I had none. And I never gave it a thought because I want to deal with it. I could see the silhouette of Nnamdi from the doorstep. The man who picked me up from the gutter but ruined my life. He is like a shadow lurking in the dark, waiting to snatch away any glimpse of light in my life.
Nnamdi came into my life when life meant nothing to me. I had to do what I have to do to survive. I was sharing an apartment with three girls. We were all running from the storms of life, from the circumstances that has threatened to make life miserable for us.
I was an office clerk by day and a prostitute by night. I have to take care of my aging mother and three siblings in the village. My father was a rolling stone, never around to take care of his family, always seen in bars and drinking shacks. Eversince he lost his job as security guard in the bank, he had become a drifter. His death thus was no surprise to the family.
To be continued...
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN