Thursday, 21 June 2012

SEX ON A FIRST DATE... Why he would ask you for sex on a first date.

SEX ON A FIRST DATE... Why he would ask you for sex on a first date.
Preparing for a first date could be a headache at times especially if you have been anticipating this meeting for a long time. You have to come up with the perfect dress or attitude. It's like you have to keep in check of everything you are doing. From your outfit to the way you smile and all other mannerisms.
But it's not all about your appearance or mannerisms that you are worried about. Other likely turn-ups such as sexual attraction may also make you jittery on a first date.
A first date in this context refers to the first outing you are having with someone you have met earlier or have a conversation with. You may have been having harmless conversations on the phone or through the internet, probably you have been sharing your fantasies online or sexting and just when you are about to make it a reality, you hear this conscious voice asking you if you are doing the right thing. Is this what you want from this date?
Then you start deliberating if you should allow him to kiss you, what extent can you allow him to take liberties with you? You are consumed with so much expectations and fear. You ask yourself what if you give in to this momentary pleasure, will it deprive you of the opportunity to enjoy something much better and lasting? Will he see you as a shag or a cheap lady? What will be his perception about you? And what if he never calls back? What if he never returns your call?
All these are the usual symptoms of anxiety a lady feels when she is going out on a first date with the most constant question being "should I have sex on a first date?"
The conventional advice is never give in on the first date, make him wait, sweat, frustrated and all of that shaky feelings. Let him know that you are not cheap or a shag, make him respect you, value you and appreciate you.
If by not sleeping with him on the first date will make him have a good impression of you, so what happens if you decide to have sex with him on the third or fourth date, will that make him appreciate you more? Will he always come back for more or take you down the aisle?
Chances are he may not call you back or maybe he will call you back. When it comes to sex, men are more sexually inclined than women. An average woman believes that having sex with someone they love takes the relationship to another level, tightens the bond they share, make them more inseparable.
Sadly, this is not the same for men. For a man sex is just what it is: sex! There is a clear difference between sex and love in a man's world. A man's love for a woman is not deepened by sex but a combination of other qualities as his sexual passion diminishes over time
When a man is on a first date with a woman, his demand for sex could be aroused by the following factors:
1. Past conversations: The type of conversation you have with a man before your first date will make him want to ask for sex on the first date. Probably he met you in the mall or in a bar or online and you exchange your number or BB pin or Facebook or twitter account username and get talking. Depending on the pattern of your conversation with him will determine if he will ask you of sex on first date or not. If you have given him the impression that you are the naughty type or probably the adventurous type, he will definitely want to try it out with you because obviously your conversation on the date will be channelled towards your ability to convince him that you were not just bluffing but are what you say you are.
On the other hand, we humans strive to make a first impression, thus exhibiting those fractions of our personality we want people to see. So if you go all naughty on him on the phone and act prudish on first outing that will definitely give him a false impression about you.
However, you may act all professional or natural on him in the virtual world and then go all mushy on him in reality. Then you will make him think that you were just acting and really wanted sex and this may also be a turn off except he is being taunted by that dark voice that says "grab this opportunity, good guys always end up losers" and there is a high possibility that he may never call you back.
The truth is that while we may not want to wash our dirty linens outside for the world to see, it's better we try not to be who we are not because whoever is going to like you will like you whether you give him sex on the first date or last date. It is advisable then you try as much as you can to decipher the character of the person you are hanging out with before you unzip your pants. If you think it doesn't matter to you if he comes back or not. Then be free to do whatever you are comfortable in doing.
2. First place of contact : Your first place of contact with a man will tell if he will ask for sex from you or not. If a man should meet you in the club, he will probably believe he has high chances of sleeping with you on a first date. Especially if he is sexually attracted to you on first sight.
However, with the growing trend of social media such as Facebook, BlackBerry, twitter and others, getting free sex has become easily accessible. These social media has provided the individual a veil to reveal his/ her perverse fantasies. Most people who spend long hours on the internet usually seek for free sex from other online users. While some could be upfront with it by sexting, others start with harmless conversations which are usually professional or social, then deftly manoeuvre into the sex scene. Some may not even border on any sex topic at all.
In the virtual world, never believe everything you see. People give false information about themselves just to get laid. That is why anonymity is a constant trend for perverse stalkers. Internet experts are constantly warning internet users to be careful about the personal information they put online because it is a porous medium.
Depending on where he met you, a man can choose to ask you for sex or not, be it on a shopping mall or at a party.
3. Your manner of dressing: Women are always confused when it comes to dressing up for a first date. They don't really want to look like a decorated masquerade, at the same time, they don't want to look like the beggar from the street. Coming up with the right dress that will send the right message is a top priority for a lady when planning for a first date. However, you may want to be sure of the kind of message you want to pass on while trying out your Armani gorgeous short red gown.
If you are dressed too sexy for a man on a first date, be ready to go down with him because men are more visually inclined to sex. You won't expect him to preach all the way without gawking at your exposed boobs begging to be sucked. A man gotta do what he gotta do...
We all want to look sexy for our first date even though he looks like Shrek. Despite all the pep talk about a woman's beauty stemming from her character, brain but not the appearance, a woman's confidence lies on the way she looks, if not they won't bother buying all the Macs and Mary Kays in the beauty store.
But dressing indecently will not make him have any regard for you. You can dress all covered up and still look sexy. Not till you expose your 50 pounds of flesh on your thighs or the sagging boobs would he get his lips licking. You can dress all chic and be sexy, not only that but will save yourself the exercise of slapping his hands when they stray to your boobs or thighs...
That said, it is absolutely left to you to decide if you want to have sex on a first date or not. If you think it will ruin your chances of having a relationship, then it's better you save it till you are sure your date got good plans for a future with you. But hey, if you are in for the fun... Be my guest and get your freak on...just have at the back of your mind that you ain't getting any younger...


  1. wow. Its seems you were sent to me! Cos something happened to me recently. Lolz
    But first i'm ä guy, and as much as having sex on the first date can be bad cos it could leave ä bad impression that tha girl is ''loose'' or has low moral standards, i can tell you that it doesnt really matter. What really matters is how your relationship (and chemistry) with the guy is and how it evolves. Ä guy that would have stayed with you will stay whether or not you had sex on the first day. If he is impressed by you and really likes ur attitude style and demeanour then i can guarantee you he'll stay 100% and try to curb or live with ur perceived flaws.

    Now recently i hooked up with this girl we bumped in to each other like two or tree times before a proper date and i ended up at her place. Normally i would think twice about sleeping with ä girl on the first date even if she was willing but i was so feeling this girl that i was sure i was ready to get serious with her. As in serious relatioship so i tot what the hell it dont matter when it starts.
    We slept on same bed almost totally nude stuff happened but she seemed to have ä change of heart so there was no penetration. But that was it! her attitude towards me changed since that day, she seems to be angry with me and herself that we let things go that far. She wont even see me in one on one so we can talk about things there is always someone around and she wont let the person leave so we can be alone. I,m not sure whats up with that i've tried to let her know that what happened that night is not ä problem i've even apologised for it but she's just cold. I really dont understand, any insights?
    She did hint that i crossed the line sha but i'm not sure what line that was. I'm prepared to go steady with her but right now we just say hi and bye when we see each other, i'm not sure what to do. Or even what i did. Lolz!

    1. I think she feels her self-esteem has been altered because of what happened. You know that last minute thought that niggle at the back of your mind, "what do you think you are doing??? You hardly know this guy and you want to give a piece of your juicy cake? Come on girl, that's very low of you." lols!!!

      She is probably feeling insecure of her feelings for you but don't know how to go about it. She is afraid that being with you alone again will eventually lead to a repeat.

      My advice: give her space. You know the funny thing about ladies, when a man shows too much interest in us, we kinda do nonchalant thing but when he looks the other way, we crave for his attention like hell.
      Just cool off, don't rush her. She just need to evaluate you and herself too more. If she is really into you, you won't be the one showing up at her door next time.
      I hope this helps...
      Vanessa Sylver

  2. It seems no perfect answer to it all.  and again, no sex on the first date does not guarantee long lasting relationship either. 

    Virginia, USA

  3. And you just had to mention Shrek....smh..nice article anyway, but I disagree with the whole article, either for or against..

    Michael Thompson,
    Accra, Ghana

  4. Dating is an adventurous act,so people who dates should make the most of it.

    Well,what I will say about sex on a first date is this,whatever you do on a first date is right.But only If you are smart enough to harmonise your head and heart very well.One sweet moment you share in reality is worth more than a million fantasies or dreams in your closet.what I'm saying is that we should be as real as possible.