Tuesday, 13 March 2012


There is nothing as annoying or frustrating as being given a showdown when you are all geared up to give fireworks. It is excruciatingly  awful to watch your partner turn down your hard rock penis with blood pumping through its veins, ready for some good action. Likewise, it is embarassing to being pushed away or watch a flaccid penis work uninterestingly in your lubricated vagina which suddenly goes dry as a result of lack of interest or arousal.This is a common problem being encountered by couples in the bedroom. Coming home from work expectant of a good bout of sex from your partner or staying home, anticipating a fantastic and erotic love making from your partner could all go sour if your partner is not up to it. This usually lead to problems in your relationship.
 Some people go the extra mile of creating the right scenario, make countless efforts to make him or her give in to your sexual plea, yet no bulging, all you get is the occasional hiss, shoving or " Ooh darling, I'm not in the mood." You become perplexed, you begin to wonder if you had lost your mojo or sex appeal. Don't sweat it, the problem lies in your communication skills and level of understanding you have with your partner.
Good communication is an integral part of a long lasting relationship. Sadly, most couples believe that good communication encompasses just the knowledge of the basic habits, likes and interests of their partner and does not include the sex life of their partner. Even in a global world like ours, most people find it hard to discuss their sex life. This has made it impossible for couples to understand their partner's sexual mood or libido. One's partner lack of interest in sex could be as a result of the following:

TIREDNESS OR DEPRESSION: Coming home late from work could stress one out to think of or initiate sex, so also depression. When your partner is tired or depressed, the only exciting image in their head is the lovely bed where they will rest and shove the stress and problems of the day away. If you are a very sensitive person, you will easily notice the signs and realise that the best gift you can give to your partner at that moment is a gentle squeeze on the shoulders or a massage,  serve him/her dinner, a warm shower and a cuddle. Before you say jack, he or she is already warming up to you. However, if a person is highly depressed, the best option is either to talk, let him/her be or seek therapy.

INCOMPATIBLE LIBIDO: Libido or sex drive varies from one individual to the other. There is no standard libido for any individual. Some have high sex drive while others have low sex drive. For those whose libido is on the high side, sex is never tiring and such demand for it more often from their partner. If the partner does not understand his/her sex drive, he/she may feel abused sexually or just partake in the act without reaching orgasm. The problem becomes apparent as each partner feels cheated. The partner with the high libido feels his/her partner is sexually insufficient while the partner with the low libido feels enslaved to the ravenous sexual appetite of his/her partner. The solution to this is understanding your partner sex drive. While one may think having a partner with the same level of sex drive with you, it is also advisable to know how one can optimize sexual gratification from a partner with a low sex drive. It doesn't always have to be sex.
Foreplay is a good act of lovemaking that can bring one to a pleasurable orgasm, even better than sex. Find out what pleases your partner, their fantasies, their sexual mood, their turn-ons and turn-offs and any other important piece of detail about their sex life. Knowing these details will help you and your partner to have blossom sex life without all the bedroom drama.
LOSS OF SEX APPEAL: There comes a time in your relationship when you feel sexually unattracted to your partner. This may stem up from over-familiarity with your spouse or hypoactive sexual desire(HSD). The latter is common among women who are approaching their menopause or highly depressed. It is characterised by a complete non-desire for sex despite the efforts of the partner to create the right sexual mood to arouse them. This could be a great problem for both partners if help is not immediately sought. On the other hand, one can easily get tired or bored from the same sex routine, it's like there is nothing new in the bedroom and you just want a change, something unusual, spicy, electrifying, skyrocketing. Just cool it down. There is no harm in having such fantasies as long as you are ready to talk to your partner about it. The real harm is when you keep silent about it and look the other way, hoping that some magical Eros or Aphrodite will sweep you off your feet to a land of multiple whooping orgasms. The earlier you tell your partner you want to add colour to your sex life, the higher the chance of making your fantasy a reality.

INFIDELITY: If your partner is getting good sex outside than what you are offering him/her, he/she is bound to give you "I'm not in the mood" attitude. In this case, you have to re-evaluate your sex life with your partner. Have you denied him sex lately? Have you stopped making yourself sexually attractive to your partner? Have you been caught up with other aspects of your life and pay less attention to his/her sexual demands? Any of these could make your partner look elsewhere. Some of us get too relaxed when we are in a stable relationship. We delude ourselves that things will always be or stay the same. We stop taking care of our looks, health and others. This ought not to be so because there are thousands of single men and women who desperately wants to be hooked with someone and if you don't know how to keep your man, they will gladly take him away from you.
Maybe you were not fat when you guys first met or you always want to try something new in the bedroom or stroll to his workplace surprisingly for a quickie, or you dress so seductively that it is impossible for him not to have a hard -on. But now, you don't do any of that anymore. This is the time to have a re-think. Nothing hurt like knowing that your man or woman is getting good sex from someone else other than you, especially when you know you could do better. In order to revive your sex life, you have to get back in the groove. Make yourself absolutely irresistible and this can be effectively implemented when he is in the company of other people. By the time he/she notices how others are flirting with you, they will definitely crawl back to you and take back their position. It mustn't end in the public show, take it to the bedroom, show him/her skills he/she never knew you possess in the bedroom. Literally blow his/her mind away, that way, he will never give you the "I'm not in the mood attitude".

SEX AS GRATIFICATION: To some couples, engaging in a sexual act is more of gratification than an expression of love. It is like a bargaining chip to get something from your spouse. Maybe if he cleans up the dishes, empty the thrash cans, get you a lovely present, then will you feel obliged to give him some steamy sex. Sometimes, sex could be seen as a mere marital obligation. Let's just have sex cos I'm your wife. This is absolutely not what sex is all about. It is the most physical and spiritual means of showing affection to someone you love. When we have sex, it is like we are seeking to physically unite or merge into another human being, to become one with the one you love. You don't have to wait till he gets you a pleasant gift or give you permission to carry out your hidden agenda or help out with the housechores, have sex because you love him, care for him, you want to belong to him.
Sex is not a sin. Only when you abuse it, it becomes one. It is the most wonderful gift God gave to man. Not just for procreation but also for expression of God's love, for fellowship and oneness. Sex should never been seen as a means of gratifying our selfish needs. It is absolutely wrong. Couples should endeavour to understand the role of sex in their relationship from the onset. This will help to erase problems like this.
Generally, there is no straight rule to sex such as with love. We are humans and have our shortcomings. Sexual mood swings will always spring up even if you make a sex timetable, though this could be helpful at times but with time, it becomes routinely and boringly awkward.
The best way to overcome all these is constant communication with your partner on your sex life. Let him know your turn-ons and turn-offs. Try out new things in the bedroom, make it spicy, colourful, breath taking, and just anything that will make your partner hold on tightly to you and will never want to let you go. Now it doesn't have to be sex all the way. You can decide to have a romantic date or foreplay. This equally will leave an indescribable, indelible and inexorable feeling.
Mutual understanding between you and your partner also help to break down these mood swings. When you have complete understanding of your partner's physical, psychological, sexual and spiritual being, it helps to control the mood swings. You will be able to tell when to sing a ballad or to go rock n' roll with friends.
If the mood swings becomes consistent, then you should seek therapy, but if not, let the fireworks begins!!! And that's how it is in Vay's world!!!


  1. Great writing. Hope you had a lot of feedback.
    There is an article on the
    same subject on the Internet a few Weeks ago.
    There was one yesterday
    about women nowadays who would prefer for
    their husbands to have affairs because
    they just do to make love to them anymore
    Now that II know what you are witting about, I
    will try and send you some
    of the articles when I see them
    Thanks and remain blessed

  2. Interesting read Vanessa..I was wondering if I could share lil problem with you.

    I've been sexually constipated for a while now,and it's beginning to get to my body and brains.

    Insomnia is my friend now,every nyte in my sleep I have nytemares,and all I see are thick black bushes,some short,others so tall they could poke your eyes out,unending moist red tunnels that seems to be screaming at me--and a very big throbbing black feeding bottle that seems to hang down from my lower body like a shadow chasing me everywhere I go...

    And for most part of the day I'm always horny,and a horny dude I hear is a 'hazardous material' waiting to explode any minute. And my gf is not that sexually active,she's always stressed. Just last Saturday she came home looking haggard and shrunk,as if she escaped from Hitler's 'Gestapo',so I couldn't bother her,but my bossom is on fire..

    What would you suggest I do Vanessa? Please help ASAP :)


  3. Dear Kweku,
    It's obvious u n ur girlfriend have an incompatible
    libido. However, I'm sure your girlfriend is not
    stressed all day long, I'm sure there are days she
    really wants to make some wicked lovemaking to
    you. While I won't want you to keep a tag on her
    sexual life, I will advise you to have self-control over
    your sex drive and come up with other ways to
    gain sexual satisfaction. Foreplay, romantic date,
    sex games, a good massage are other ways you
    can set up the mood for good lovemaking.
    Also, I think you are gradually losing your sexual
    attraction to ur girlfriend. This is really not your
    fault if ur girlfriend has not been making herself
    sexually appealing to u buh there is no harm in
    trying to help her out in that field.
    Lastly, I think you shld talk to her about your
    overloaded bosom, a problem shared is a problem
    Hope I was able to help...