Dirty diary of a Lagos Chic

Goodbye to innocence

Hi, welcome to my world of men and sex. My parents call me Chinwendu but for ajebo sake you can call me Wendy.

I love men, they intrigue me a lot. Not because they are hot or got what a woman needs to complement her, but just for the fun of sex. They are the best specimen to explore the erotic world. I know most ladies love men for their fame, wealth or their vanity but I just love men for sex. In fact when I see a man I’m attracted to, I will undress him and measure up the size of his penis mentally. He becomes a new adventure to explore.

 I know you are sighing or shaking your head and calling me ashewo but the truth is that I’m not one (hmmm…talk true oh!).  The men I sleep with don't pay me; it’s just for sexual gratification. Let's just say I’m a bit liberal and adventurous. I'm so intrigued by sex to the extent I have had countless mental orgies with the likes of Ramsey Nouah, Majid Michel, John Dumelo and others (when will I get them in my bed sef). Call me weird if you must.

Anyway, I didn’t just jump out of my mum's womb and turn into this Aphrodite. No, I was once a good girl, a very good girl that was deflowered by a good boy. During my teen years, saying the word 'sex' or discussing it within an adult’s earshot will earn you a big slap. It was such a taboo to talk about it unlike now when teenagers (even pre-teen) can talk about sex freely.

In fact, you dare not think about it in front of your parents because they might read your mind. Back then, we avoid watching romantic movies with our parents for fear of being banned from watching TV for the rest of the year. If accidentally, a kissing scene pops up while watching Moonlighting... (Oh boy, you are on your own) check out the immediate excuses or darting glances from your parents. If you want to watch romantic movie then, you have to wait till you are all alone at home or when everyone has gone to bed, then quietly sneak into the sitting room to watch it. But nowadays, internet has made sex easily accessible. Sex is just so ordinary with the new generation (hmmm….feeling old already???).

Ok, I get it, people of my generation may be naive in terms of sexual orientation but we were more disciplined and virginity was a very high virtue. A man need not look far to find a virgin but presently, finding a virgin is like finding a needle in a haystack (who cares about virgins???). There were very few girls back then who were brave enough to explore sex and they were so proud of it. They make the good girls wish they could have sex too but when they remember the ancient mum stern lecture on sex (mimicking my mum’s voice); "if any man touch you, you will get pregnant and destroy your destiny", they will resolve to reading Ikebe Super and Hints to get a peek into the sexual world.

Despite all my good upbringing, I lost my virginity at the age of 16 (Yeeee!) to a 22 year old Corper who was serving in my secondary school back then. Every 'bad girl' (including me) in my school back then had their eyes on him but it was rumored that he was the shy type. I knew he was way out of my league but I never stopped hoping. He usually taught us math which is one of my best. (Say the truth; you liked the subject because you like him). Yeah yeah, that's true but at least I already had interest in the subject before he came into the scene.

I was always punctual in his class, answered questions and was always among the first to submit assignments which was why he was baffled when I came late to his class on this fateful Friday morning, soaked in rain without my assignment. I had never liked geometry, had planned to come earlier to copy the assignment from my friends but the heavy downpour that morning ruined my plans. As a young girl, I was quite aware of my sexuality. With my average height, pretty face and heavily endowed chest and buttocks (who ask u?); I could still make a man drip in his pants.

With my uniform soaked and glued to my chest, my breasts were like ripe apples begging to be touched. This was what caught my teacher's eye. As I stood there explaining my lateness to him, his eyes were glued to my nipples which was very visible in my cotton white shirt because I had no bra on. One of the bad girls cleared her throat and that brought him out of his reverie.

By the end of the day, he had offered to give me after class lessons to help me with my geometry. It was during one of these classes that he explored my tunnel of passion. Meanwhile, he's been taking some liberties such as 'mistakenly' brushing his hand on my breast or stroking my upper arm with soft caresses. This I enjoyed and prayed fervently for the day he will go beyond the casual mistakes. My prayers were finally answered on this fateful Wednesday afternoon.

 One minute he was teaching me, the other minute, his lips were on me like hot coals. I literally burnt under his touch. His hands seems to be everywhere but not doing anything. He will touch my chest, and then withdrew his hand when it made contact with my bra. He will work his way up to my thigh, on touching my panties, he will withdraw. The only thing he was good at was just the kissing. And I wanted more...

As a sharp girl, I stood up and opened the buttons of my shirt. The school was eerily quiet by now. Only the sound of our heartbeats could be heard and the short interlude of the breeze. He gawked at my breasts as the cool afternoon breeze puckered my nipples. Then, he turned away from me, holding his head in his hand.  Ok… what is wrong with him? I hope he didn’t intend to leave me hanging this way. I knew I had to act fast because if I don't, I might lose the moment.

So I drew nearer and thrust my breast to his chest, he gasped. That's better I thought and courageously took his hand and place it on my chest. The bulge in his jeans seems to increase every second. He gingerly started stroking my nipples. I threw my head back as sweet sensations spread through my nerve endings. I was lost in this new feeling and I wanted to explore it all.

I don't know what did the trick but suddenly, he was ravenously touching me, searing hot kisses on my lips, neck, and when finally he captured my nipples, I saw stars. I started to moan but he clasped my mouth. I wanted to touch him too so I opened his shirt to reveal a hairy but not too muscled chest. I stroke his hair and played with his nipple. Each time I flicked my tongue on his nipple, he moans. That excites me and makes me feel in control. So I urged on, stroking and teasing his nipples with my tongue or fingers. I didn't last long because the next thing I knew he shoved me away, quickly shut the classroom doors and windows then returned to lay me on his table, shoving the books to the floor.

He undid his zipper and I saw the ‘matured’ phallus for the first time.  His was short and fat despite his tall frame. All sorts of foreplay ended as he tried to gain entrance to my tunnel. By now, he was panting and perspiring heavily, he kept asking me to show him the way which I certainly have no idea about. His first thrust rang my mother's words into my head. The second thrust made me remember that I have no lie to tell to cover up my lateness back home. The third thrust which made me yell, brought him to climax.

That was it? I asked myself as I watched him roll out tissue to clean himself up. I sat up and watched the gory sight of blood and sperm trickling down my thighs. There was traffic of questions in my head as I tried to recollect myself. Was this sex? Was it the entire rave about sex? Where are all d spark lights and firelights I was supposed to see? I turned angrily to my teacher and told him he better show me he is man enough. I thought he will decline but he had this wicked smile that says he is all game. This time around, he lasted for five minutes, and then he kissed me and told me that I just took his pride away from him. He dressed up and left without a goodbye.

That was the last I saw of him for he left the following morning.  The rumour was that he had applied for transfer to teach in another community for some personal reasons.  I was hurt, deeply hurt especially when all the bad girls kept teasing me that I made him leave because I was a good girl. They told me that a good girl should never sleep with a good boy because they can never learn or enjoy the real pleasures of sex. Is that true diary?

SORRY HONEY, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD...

There is nothing as annoying or frustrating as being given a showdown when you are all geared up to give fireworks. It is excruciatingly  awful to watch your partner turn down your hard rock penis with blood pumping through its veins, ready for some good action. Likewise, it is embarassing to being pushed away or watch a flaccid penis work uninterestingly in your lubricated vagina which suddenly goes dry as a result of lack of interest or arousal.This is a common problem being encountered by couples in the bedroom. Coming home from work expectant of a good bout of sex from your partner or staying home, anticipating a fantastic and erotic love making from your partner could all go sour if your partner is not up to it. This usually lead to problems in your relationship.

 Some people go the extra mile of creating the right scenario, make countless efforts to make him or her give in to your sexual plea, yet no bulging, all you get is the occasional hiss, shoving or " Ooh darling, I'm not in the mood." You become perplexed, you begin to wonder if you had lost your mojo or sex appeal. Don't sweat it, the problem lies in your communication skills and level of understanding you have with your partner.

Good communication is an integral part of a long lasting relationship. Sadly, most couples believe that good communication encompasses just the knowledge of the basic habits, likes and interests of their partner and does not include the sex life of their partner. Even in a global world like ours, most people find it hard to discuss their sex life. This has made it impossible for couples to understand their partner's sexual mood or libido. One's partner lack of interest in sex could be as a result of the following:

TIREDNESS OR DEPRESSION: Coming home late from work could stress one out to think of or initiate sex, so also depression. When your partner is tired or depressed, the only exciting image in their head is the lovely bed where they will rest and shove the stress and problems of the day away. If you are a very sensitive person, you will easily notice the signs and realise that the best gift you can give to your partner at that moment is a gentle squeeze on the shoulders or a massage,  serve him/her dinner, a warm shower and a cuddle. Before you say jack, he or she is already warming up to you. However, if a person is highly depressed, the best option is either to talk, let him/her be or seek therapy.

INCOMPATIBLE LIBIDO: Libido or sex drive varies from one individual to the other. There is no standard libido for any individual. Some have high sex drive while others have low sex drive. For those whose libido is on the high side, sex is never tiring and such demand for it more often from their partner. If the partner does not understand his/her sex drive, he/she may feel abused sexually or just partake in the act without reaching orgasm. The problem becomes apparent as each partner feels cheated. The partner with the high libido feels his/her partner is sexually insufficient while the partner with the low libido feels enslaved to the ravenous sexual appetite of his/her partner. The solution to this is understanding your partner sex drive. While one may think having a partner with the same level of sex drive with you, it is also advisable to know how one can optimize sexual gratification from a partner with a low sex drive. It doesn't always have to be sex.

Foreplay is a good act of lovemaking that can bring one to a pleasurable orgasm, even better than sex. Find out what pleases your partner, their fantasies, their sexual mood, their turn-ons and turn-offs and any other important piece of detail about their sex life. Knowing these details will help you and your partner to have blossom sex life without all the bedroom drama.

LOSS OF SEX APPEAL: There comes a time in your relationship when you feel sexually unattracted to your partner. This may stem up from over-familiarity with your spouse or hypoactive sexual desire(HSD). The latter is common among women who are approaching their menopause or highly depressed. It is characterised by a complete non-desire for sex despite the efforts of the partner to create the right sexual mood to arouse them. This could be a great problem for both partners if help is not immediately sought. On the other hand, one can easily get tired or bored from the same sex routine, it's like there is nothing new in the bedroom and you just want a change, something unusual, spicy, electrifying, skyrocketing. Just cool it down. There is no harm in having such fantasies as long as you are ready to talk to your partner about it. The real harm is when you keep silent about it and look the other way, hoping that some magical Eros or Aphrodite will sweep you off your feet to a land of multiple whooping orgasms. The earlier you tell your partner you want to add colour to your sex life, the higher the chance of making your fantasy a reality.

INFIDELITY: If your partner is getting good sex outside than what you are offering him/her, he/she is bound to give you "I'm not in the mood" attitude. In this case, you have to re-evaluate your sex life with your partner. Have you denied him sex lately? Have you stopped making yourself sexually attractive to your partner? Have you been caught up with other aspects of your life and pay less attention to his/her sexual demands? Any of these could make your partner look elsewhere. Some of us get too relaxed when we are in a stable relationship. We delude ourselves that things will always be or stay the same. We stop taking care of our looks, health and others. This ought not to be so because there are thousands of single men and women who desperately wants to be hooked with someone and if you don't know how to keep your man, they will gladly take him away from you.

Maybe you were not fat when you guys first met or you always want to try something new in the bedroom or stroll to his workplace surprisingly for a quickie, or you dress so seductively that it is impossible for him not to have a hard -on. But now, you don't do any of that anymore. This is the time to have a re-think. Nothing hurt like knowing that your man or woman is getting good sex from someone else other than you, especially when you know you could do better. In order to revive your sex life, you have to get back in the groove. Make yourself absolutely irresistible and this can be effectively implemented when he is in the company of other people. By the time he/she notices how others are flirting with you, they will definitely crawl back to you and take back their position. It mustn't end in the public show, take it to the bedroom, show him/her skills he/she never knew you possess in the bedroom. Literally blow his/her mind away, that way, he will never give you the "I'm not in the mood attitude".

SEX AS GRATIFICATION: To some couples, engaging in a sexual act is more of gratification than an expression of love. It is like a bargaining chip to get something from your spouse. Maybe if he cleans up the dishes, empty the thrash cans, get you a lovely present, then will you feel obliged to give him some steamy sex. Sometimes, sex could be seen as a mere marital obligation. Let's just have sex cos I'm your wife. This is absolutely not what sex is all about. It is the most physical and spiritual means of showing affection to someone you love. When we have sex, it is like we are seeking to physically unite or merge into another human being, to become one with the one you love. You don't have to wait till he gets you a pleasant gift or give you permission to carry out your hidden agenda or help out with the housechores, have sex because you love him, care for him, you want to belong to him.

Sex is not a sin. Only when you abuse it, it becomes one. It is the most wonderful gift God gave to man. Not just for procreation but also for expression of God's love, for fellowship and oneness. Sex should never been seen as a means of gratifying our selfish needs. It is absolutely wrong. Couples should endeavour to understand the role of sex in their relationship from the onset. This will help to erase problems like this.

Generally, there is no straight rule to sex such as with love. We are humans and have our shortcomings. Sexual mood swings will always spring up even if you make a sex timetable, though this could be helpful at times but with time, it becomes routinely and boringly awkward.
The best way to overcome all these is constant communication with your partner on your sex life. Let him know your turn-ons and turn-offs. Try out new things in the bedroom, make it spicy, colourful, breath taking, and just anything that will make your partner hold on tightly to you and will never want to let you go. Now it doesn't have to be sex all the way. You can decide to have a romantic date or foreplay. This equally will leave an indescribable, indelible and inexorable feeling.
Mutual understanding between you and your partner also help to break down these mood swings. When you have complete understanding of your partner's physical, psychological, sexual and spiritual being, it helps to control the mood swings. You will be able to tell when to sing a ballad or to go rock n' roll with friends.

If the mood swings becomes consistent, then you should seek therapy, but if not, let the fireworks begins!!! And that's how it is in Vay's world!!!

BELATED VALENTINE GIFT

HELLO EVERYONE,
It's been  a while since I came here, i think this is the first time in this year i'm posting something . Oh dear.... please do forgive me, I have been busy chasing things (Or is it the other way around?). Anyway, Im here now and I will be giving you all the spicy gist, tips and advice on relationships. but before I continue, happy new year to everyone out there and welcome to the month of March. Hope all your endeavours will be fruitful this month. i wanted to post this article on Valentine's day but I fell ill and couldn't post it (and it's not early morning sickness). So here it is, it was supposed to be my valentine gift to each and everyone of you out there. I hope you enjoy it....

 MAKE THIS VALENTINE COUNT!!!

     Love is a very strong phenomenon. It is very enigmatic and compelling. Many philosophers had tried to define love both in its simplicity and complexity.  Yet, there is no particular word or phrase that can encompass the true nature and depth of love. It is more than a feeling, words or thoughts. It is beyond the physical being of man but the existence of man depends on it.

   Though love is more than a feeling, it evokes a lot of emotions which are triggered by the subject’s valuation of the object. Emotions vary based on the perception and valuation of one’s character. Just as love is a feeling, so also are anger, fear, hurt, thus when the one we love hurts us, it triggers a feeling of despair, pain, denial, or bitterness.

    It is easier to sublime into a state of denial when we are hurt by a loved one or ostracize the physical and mental being from our immediate environment. It is possible to torture one's self in an attempt to cure the madness or impose a disciplinary action to teach one never to make a mistake of falling n love again. These feelings of hurt and pain can come from anybody, doesn't necessarily have to be the person you are in relationship with. This could be from a parent, a sibling, a close relative, a child or from a total stranger.

   A wife can be hurt by her unfaithful husband actions and may decide never to trust him again, a single guy can be hurt by his girlfriend didn’t return his love, just like a mother can decide not to care for a disobedient child. A person can be trodden with a load of guilt because he feels he is responsible for the pain of another.

   With all these feelings of hurt, it is easier to decide to stay away from those who have hurt us and forget about their very existence. We may not want to forgive them for the hurt, betrayal pain they have inflicted on us. Seeing that person or talking to that person could be poisonous to us because it triggers the painful memory of their lies, betrayal and hurt to the point that we are unable to stand them, thus, they cannot be forgiven. we delude ourselves that not caring or communicating with them makes it easier for the pain to heal.  

     We all are human beings and we have our shortcomings and foibles, no one is perfect thus we are prone to hurting people as well as being hurt even when it is not intentional. But does that make us less humans or stupid enough not to love someone? No, it doesn't. It just implies that we are more human. It is delusional to think that you will not be hurt by someone just because you are in love. Neither should you stop believing in love because you have been hurt by a loved one.

     To be able to love means to be able to forgive, not just forgive but also forget. Forgiveness goes hand in hand with love. Without forgiveness, one cannot truly embrace the depth of love. While it may seem cool to shut those who have offended you out of your life, it is easier to give them a forgiving pat and forget that they once made a mistake. No one is incapable of mistakes.

    The irony of holding grudges, resentment or bitterness against someone is that the person may not even know that you are angry with them. While you are busy fighting with your inner self whether to give them a call or send them an SMS or probably visit them r planning a sweet revenge, they are having a nice time. They may not be aware of your grudges and it may become embarrassing when they bump into you in the bar while you are hanging out with your friends, and you can’t share their enthusiasm because you can’t forgive them.

     Some people feel forgiveness should be justified when the wrong one is punished. Some see it as a debt owed and wait for the wrong one to apologize first. But love is not a competition.  For you to be free to breathe freely again, you just have to let go of the resentment and give room for acceptance.
      February is the month of love, it's St Valentine's day, a martyr of love. I want to implore you to make this Valentine count. Maybe you are still hurting from a painful break-up with a loved one, maybe your parents have hurt you badly in the past and this had affected your relationship. Probably, you caught your spouse cheating on you and you are finding it hard to forgive him or her, maybe your best friend betrayed you or you have a child who has been nothing but a total heartache to you. Whatever is the case, step out of your way this Valentine and forgive. Forgiveness heals faster than any other therapy because it erases all marks of pain. It gives you room to breathe freely. It makes you feel whole and loved again.

     It's just a few days to Valentine, go out of your way and get someone a special gift as an act of forgiveness. Don't allow pride to get in the way, you don't have to wait till they come crawling on their feet asking for your forgiveness, be the

first to do so. If you have vowed never to fall in love, let this Valentine make a difference, show some love to someone. Put a smile on someone's face and make them happy. Like the R&B singer, Katy Perry said, You are a firework, let your love shine this Valentine. Happy Valentine!