And to the men out there, seriously, don't you want to settle down ? Is this social plight just a woman's problem or are the men also not afraid that they might become an old gent?
Here is an excerpt of my published article on ThisDay newspaper. Let me know what you think about it and how we can help address the single staus of our sisters out there. Me inclusive(winks)…
Stella was in her early thirties and still unmarried. A shrewd entrepreneur, Stella lived a very comfortable life. Living in a three bedroom flat with her mum and siblings at one of the suburbs in Lagos, she was the ideal breadwinner any family could look up to. She catered for her family like a father would since hers passed away when she was still a teenager.
She was a natural care giver. Always willing to help anyone in need. She placed others' needs before hers. As a sanguine, she easily made friends and people loved her without holds barred. She was playful, very articulate and blessed with the wisdom of a dove.
Everyone loved having Stella around. She was a mother, a sister and a friend. If you have a problem, Stella was the ideal person to talk to because she would take her time to analyse the situation and give you the best solution she can offer.
Though known for her witty remarks, Stella doesn't tolerate disrespect or injustice in any form. She doesn't waste time in saying her piece of mind when angered, even if it might hurt the other party's feeling.
With all these high points, Stella was still unhappy. She felt incomplete, like there is something still missing in her life. And there was… A man.
Stella was unmarried and each ticking of the clock caused her heart to beat faster. A ray of light gets dimmer once there is no shining knight standing in front of her asking for her hand in marriage. Often times she wondered if men out there were blind. She would stare at herself in the mirror, observing her curvaceous body, looking for signs of lapping folds, but none was visible.
She was a pretty one. She has had many men tell her. Yet they don't want to take this pretty one to mama, to their home and make her lady of their household. What was wrong with men? She will cry out aloud sometimes. Or is Cupid blind or is someone from my village planning evil against me? On several occasions, she's been to one church or the other, seeking for a miracle and a solution to her single status. After series of fasting and praying, there is still no sign of her significant other.
Stella is frustrated. Not like she doesn't have men who ask her out for dates, the only problem is that they don't want to get serious. All they want is to hang out, probably sex if they are lucky and nothing more. And with the age clock ticking closely to her ears, Stella is desperate. She is scared that she might end up single.
She had tried to adjust her manners and lifestyle like those self help books on relationship had advised her to do, yet no headway. As if life hasn't made enough mockery of her already, every now and then a friend, relative, neighbour will call to invite her to a wedding of someone she used to know; maybe a frenemy or an ex-lover. And out of frustration, she will cry out to the Lord, asking Him to grant her her heart desires. In fact, she started attending weddings in order to find the lucky Mr. Right there.
Her previous relationships have yielded no "will you marry me?" episode. They stay as much as they can until she can't stand them anymore. She is tired. What else is left for her to do? Why is she still unmarried…
There are thousands of women out there who are in a similar situation like Stella. They have things going on for them. Everyone seems to tell them that they are wife materials, yet there are no husbands looking for them. The question on their lips is always "why am I still unmarried?"
Stella is asking why men don't want to get serious and settle down with her.
So I put the question to young men who are still bachelors, why don't you want to get married?
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
Most guys are still unmarried cos the ladies ve
ReplyDeletesomewhat set a standard for an 'IDEAL' husband
for themselves. "He MUST be comfortable" they
always say...and by comfortable they mean, he
must at least; drive a car,live in a flat in one of the
urban areas and have a good job. What they fail to
realize is that one of the most important tool that
sustains marriage is 'SACRIFICE'. If u rily love a
man, no matter how highly placed you are, u'll
definitely come down to his level. Most choosy
ladies will end up unmarried if they fail to look
beyond the present status of a man. This is not to
say every unmarried lady is the architect of her
challenge o...some ladies like Stella are just
unlucky. Good job Vanessa Sylver
Very nice inquiry mind want to know article...the question now is, is Stella accepting reality enough to accept what maybe inevitable in all mankind?
ReplyDeleteFirst, women or men for that matter should know that not everyone will be married in their life time. Not all women or men will find their white knight as envisionedl. Even when some find the right man or woman, do they recognize it? Do they cherish it? Do they do their best to improve on it?
Modern women, I will advise, should go back to the past and objectively study why our parents had higher rate of marriages or lasting marriages that we do today.
Today, women's expectation are different and unrealistic to say the least. Many want the most handsome men or women (by their definition). Many want the most educated ones. Many want the religion ones devoted like their faith dictates. Many must marry from their tribe because tradition or language or ethnicity demands it. Many wanted specific age to marry.Many wanted those who are rich and live in the city with big house or flat with water, light and modern facilities so that their friends and family can say, "Stella, your man is fine, rich, has big cars, housemaids...Many want those with fame. Many want those and only those with good jobs, great titles including but not limited to doctors, lawyers, ...it reminded me of the movie, "American Dollar"... etc
I am not saying that all these dreams and expectations are bad and should not be pursued, what I'm saying is that once we as humans, drew the line in the sand, then we should accept the consequences of our decisions. Once our bar is raised so certain level that we should be willing to wait and see who will jump it. It may take patience or it may be impossible...after all, not everyone wins in the Olympics...Nigeria saw that and live that in the last Olympic games...
One can try and dream, it does not mean such dreams and hopes can be achieved. Probably, never. .
What's more, many women rely as God's directives or signs or head to the advise of the so called experts about marriage when in fact many of the advisors never write about the truth in their own relationships...such honesty doesn't sell books...look at Nollywood ...look at Hollywood, and I rest my case.
On second thoughts...
ReplyDeleteStella's problem is universal...Stella must remember that there are more women in this world than men, as such, Stella must recognize that, she is in a competitive situation by statistics alone. The more she defines her needs, the more competition she will face....because whatever she is looking for, so are many like her, who by the way, may be more beautiful, more wealth, more educated looking for the same thing in the lion of dens...
All I am saying is that Stella can pray all she wants and consult the oracle until her heart desires, she should remember that, even the Lord said, "God helps those that help themselves" I don't know what the parable means but, she is not alone.
I will remind her also that our Lord Jesus Christ never married...I wonder why....
Maybe Stella should ask herself, honestly, what am I doing wrong? Let her ask her close friends, what am I doing wrong? Let her ask her enemies for that matter, what am I doing wrong? Let her ask her old boyfriend, "Okeke", what did I do wrong?. Let her observe the current boyfriend and ask herself, what will I do wrong?
Did Stella put herself, family, her dogs, cats, coworkers, friends, and you name it above her relationships in the past or will she in the future?
But I still have bad news for Stella. Even if she did everything right, she may still fail for a simple reason that as long as there is this life, as long as we all live in this world populated by humans and domination by it, I will submit to her that no one has perfect answers to perfect dreams....The only sure thing Stella had that cannot be denied her is her dreams...
The only resolve Stella has is hope and the ability to accept what she may not be able to change...i will refer her to a poem titled, "Serenity now"
God's speed, Stella!!!
Patience and self contentment is d answer, ask so many married women 2day, u'll surprise 2 hear dem say dat dey prefer 2 dia spinsterhood dan bn married
ReplyDeleteAndy