From the depth of my heart...

I remember the first day of this year. I wasn't overly happy or sad. Just indifferent. Last year had been one hell of a year for me and I wondered what this year had in store for me. I wondered the people I will come across, the goals I have to achieve, the obstacles I have to overcome. I pondered on these things with no concrete plan. Being the meticulous person I am, I just watched as things unfold.

Oforiwaa...contd

Happy last Sunday of the year everyone. You asked for more, here it is:
John sat at the restaurant of the DutcHotel, sipping Hunters cider. He was tired. Very tired as he tried to organise his thoughts which were wandering in a race track. He queried himself on why he had accepted to go on this trip. Nothing new came up since the obvious ones had permanently clouded his mind. He had missed home. He had missed walking the streets of Accra and blending with his own kind. Not intimidated by his colour or awkward by his native tongue. Here he can speak his native language without the fear of being seen as an alien or a barbarian.
The sweet African rhythm oozed out of the speakers in the restaurant, giving him a welcoming ambience. This was home. This was Ghana.

Thoughts of a Bohemian: Letter to God

LETTER TO GOD:
Please Let My Mother Depart!
Dear God,
The New Year(2013) is moments away. I thank You for the ending year. As we begin another year of wishes, I write these with a hurting heart on behalf of my brothers and sisters whom I love dearly and pray that you would this year, soonest too, end the
life of our terminally ill mother.

Christmas Special!!!

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all are having fun. Do not forget the reason for the season. Share the love and be generous today.
Alright, enough of the greetings. As a sign of appreciation to each and every one of you who had encouraged me since I started blogging in one way or the other, below is an excerpt from a novel I'm working on currently titled "Oforiwaa"
Do read and enjoy!
Happy Holidays!!!
Disclaimer: The characters in this story is purely a product of the writer's imagination. Any semblance to reality is just a coincidence.
"OFORIWAA" by Vanessa Sylver
Excerpt:
The moment the Antonov aircraft touched grounds at the Kotoka airport, John felt a stirring in his heart. He was finally home, his motherland. He felt jetlagged in the 11hrs flight from New York to Accra. He had slept throughout the journey despite some of his students' effort to get him talking. He had deftly ignored them and allowed Mary Ann to attend to their incessant curiosity. He needed the rest. It had not been easy planning for this trip. It had cost him sleepless nights to make the necessary arrangements for this trip.

Friday Heat: The New Queen James Bible for Gay: Mockery or reality???

Few days ago, Queen James Bible for gay was released. This version of the Bible which was adapted from king James Bible addresses eight controversial verses that condemns homosexuality by giving vivid interpretations of the verses.

The QJBFG named God as its author and Jesus Christ as its contributor but no physical author mentioned.

What do you think about this new development? Is it a mockery to God's word or another harsh reality to mankind? Is it morally and socially acceptable to have such publication in our society?
Let the heat begin
#TGIF#
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Thoughts of a Bohemian by Azuka Jebose

After losing a dear friend and grandfather of his son to death, the Bohemian writes about his reflections on life.

MY WISH:
Losing dear dad can be a challenging experience for daughters. There is a unique relationship between girls and their fathers. It is a relationship that begins at conception and nurtures as both dad and daughter(s) nourish life, living through tender loving care.

I am blessed with three beautiful girls and my relationship with them was cultivated as simple, free spirit, respect for humanity and love for education. Above everything else, I encourage them to share everything in their young lives with me. I also owe them the daily happenstances in my life, the financial and other palava of our existence and I am happy that at their ages they are wiser and appreciates their dad as a bohemian.

Drool of the day: Meet Pretty Nina

Nina is a tall sexy pretty girl residing in Apapa-Lagos. She is single and searching. Any cute guy out there for her???
Read more about her:

Likes and dislikes:
I like making friends, meeting new people and love adventures too. I hate lies and disappointments.

Bedroom skills:
I'm killing in bed, though I love romance than sex.

How bad is Office Romance...2

However, before you decide to venture into this type of relationship, you might want to consider a few pointers.
1. Their position in the office: The first thing to consider before you go serenading your love to your new crush is his/her position in the office. Is he/she a subordinate, a boss or just a colleague?
Remember, irrespective of who you choose to date, there are risks involved.
Dating your colleague might lead to competition and rivalry which might affect your relationship. Issues such as job promotions could lead to jealousy.
Dating your boss might spring up jealousy and favouritism among your colleagues. And at times, disrespect could breed in such an affair. Remember familiarity breeds contempt.
Dating a subordinate could likewise lead to favouritism and false accusations of breaching the organisation's policy which might get you fired. It could question your credibility as a leader. Often times, it could lead to sexual harassment.

How bad is office romance? 1

So you got a crush on your boss or an employee or colleague but you are not sure on how to go about it. Worse is the general belief that office romance is outrightly BAD!!! What are the possible outcomes of having an office affair?

The Wrath Of jezebel by Amos Bwire...contd

At that hour of a working day, the Bakers Basket Coffee-shop was nearly empty.

At the entrance, Abella anxiously scanned the warmly lit room for a familiar face. Her eyes drew focus on a Persian lady of mid-forties, whose eyes were staring intently at her. She was seating solo at the far right side, holding a cup of coffee in her left hand, right fingers flipping pages of Curve magazine.

Her body shivered momentarily before she walked towards the woman.

"A cup of coffee...?" The cross-legged woman opened the conversation.

"Ah no, thank you!" Abella responded as was adjusting herself on the seat. Apart from the woman, there were only six other customers in the place, all white and in couples.

"You might love their pastries then," said the woman, pointing at her plate. "try and tell." She sounded like a strong, self-assured type. 

"Oh, okay." Abella conceded, somehow bluntly as she picked up a piece of pasty.

"Good." The woman said, offering a handshake. "I'm Sanaz, but you may call me Shenaz." Her thick black hair waved loosely about her bare shoulders as her head tilted, swiftly. Her stronger version of Christiane Amanpour-like voice made Abella's brows rise.

"Ohkay." Abella shook the glossy hand. She was amazed at the strength it exerted on hers. "You know me already, I guess..."  

Shenaz smiled. "Surely, I do," her beautiful face exuded an air of odd confidence that was somewhat mystical. "Abella, is it?"

"Uh-huh." Abella moved her hand away. And as she did so, Shenaz gave her an odd look before saying, "First born to the family of Honorable Bomani, a Home-Affairs Minister. A very quick thinker and was an 'A' student throughout her education. Actually, her Black-Triangle file says she has an IQ level of 150!" 
"Mh!"

"Once, while undertaking one of her two Masters' degree courses in Manchester, she got overly drunk and ended up on bed with her Turkish Professor whom she never figured out before to be an ass guy, until it was too late for her to--"

"Who told you about that?" Embarrassed, Abella had an immediate loss of breath. Oh gosh! I never told that to anyone!

"We are picky," responded Shenaz, her bright eyes never deviating from Abella's. "we pick our people at a very young age. There are different approach though, and times, for official enrollment to BT. We take--"

"BT…?"

"Black Triangle."

"What is that?" Abella was perplexed.

"Never heard of that before?"

"No. Never. What is--?"

"Good." Shenaz said, shifting her attention towards a waitress that approached their corner. Shenaz ordered another cup of coffee. "I drink a lot of coffee, trying to quit smoking."

Abella wasn't in a mood to talk. She gazed slightly, at fairly-expensive chunky black triangular-gemstones stringed together around her hostess' neck. Have I seen something like this somewhere before! She recalled.

"You should order something." A matter of fact.

Abella ordered a bottle of Kilimanjaro water. "Tell me about that Black Angle."
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Is it wrong for a lady to carry a condom in her bag????

Going through a lady's handbag, you are bound to find a make-up kit, a small hand mirror, a pen, chewing gum or sweets, a comb or hair brush, lots of pieces of paper with scribbled gibberish and the list goes on. Seeing a condom in a lady's bag can raise eyebrows. The most likely thing that someone can say is that the lady is naughty or promiscuous especially if she is single. But what is wrong in carrying a condom around? You never can tell when one is having the itch.

Alright, it's up to you friends. What do you think about a lady carrying a condom in her bag? Is it normal, unlady-like, or simply unacceptable?

Let the heat begin!!!
#TGIF#
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Progeny Foundation Walk4life 2

Progeny Foundation presents the 2nd Annual Sickle Cell Walk4Life on Saturday Dec 8, 2012.

Venue: Take off at Yard 158 Oregun

End Point: Banquet Hall Agidingbi, near Coca-Cola and Opposite LTV 8

Time: 7am
Date: Saturday Dec 8th, 2012

Walk4life is an initiative of Bukola Sogbuyi, a Sickle-Cell carrier whose resilience for life has impacted other carriers. Walk4life is aimed at curbing stigmatization accompanied with Sickle-Cell and reaching out to the less privileged who can't afford medical treatment.

Come walk with her and help in reaching out to others who may be ignorant or stigmatised.

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The Wrath of Jezebel...contd by Amos Bwire

Yay!!! Jezebel is back!!! After going MIA for 2weeks, I'm happy to bring to your stable the heart-warming Jezebel story by my lovely Tanzanian friend.
I hope you enjoy it and have a wonderful Sunday too...

Her heart nearly popped off her chest as she saw the front door opening, slowly.
Seeing Elijah stumbling in, limply, she exhaled. He was overly drunk. "C'mon! This is too bright, man, argh!" He winced painfully at the harsh light in the lounge. A hand glued over his shrunk eyes. A halve of his shirt was untucked, so were her shirt buttons. The clock ticked at three-fifteen.
A few steps in, Elijah tripped over his own feet and nearly fell to the ground, but he managed to grab the edge of the sofa, and slumped, heavily over it. Seeing him in that state, Abella breathed a slight sigh of relief.
Elijah tried to lift himself up, but failed. His head lolled against the top of the sofa.
She dragged herself and went on to help him over. "Hmmm." Elijah sighed, trying to snuggle against the side of the sofa. "Phaaanks, baybee. I-don't kno-w whuat I'll do with-out youuu..."
Abella was busy aligning his heavy body safely on the sofa.

"I'm phired!" Blurted Elijah, drunkenly. "I'm Phuucking phired! F-I-R-E-D! I don't know how much longer I can phuucking last before I…."
Whatever he muttered afterwards was known only to himself. He was gone.
Abella gave a ghostly sigh. She waited until she heard him snoring heavily, then quietly she pulled herself away, scanned the room for the last moment, hoping against hope. In despair, Abella got to the kitchen, pulled out a bottle of wine and took her perplexed mind to the bedroom.
___________________________

She rolled out of bed, glancing at a wall clock; it was ten-to-six. A bottle of wine had stoned her sorry-mind out for an hour and a half. But apart from a horrible wine breath and a mild headache, Abella didn't feel much of a hungover.
Gently, she walked towards the bathroom without waking Elijah, who was in a noisy sleep. How did he manage to get in here? Abella wondered, staring at her snorting husband.

Fired! Did he say he was fired? She wondered, glancing at the clock again, then back at him before she pushed the door.

Halfway through the processes, Abella heard a thunderous knock on the door. "Hey! Hey! Quick! Come and see this!" It was an urgent voice of Elijah. He sounded sober. She nearly collapsed. Oh my God, the photos! The video! She grabbed the towel, braced herself before opening the door and stepped to the bedroom.
Standing in front of a TV set, Elijah had his cellphone on one hand, and a remote control on the other. His eyes were frozen dead as he watched that news program.

Laid on a Police Land Rover's trunk, was a bloodied human body wrapped in khanga. According to one witness, a passerby who happened to be the first to see the body that he claimed had been sprawled across the trench, along Mandela road at External area; it seemed that "Whoever killed this man had no thievery intention. There were thirty thousand shillings in his wallet, together with his employee identity card. But his eyes were chopped off; his heart was ripped off his chest and thrust inside his mouth. And he was actually castrated… Well, actually all his genitals are missing!" Concluded the witness; a man of mid-fifties, to an eager, female TV reporter.

The ID card found inside the deceased-uniform's pocket showed that the man was actually Shaaban Khamis, a Security guard with TK Security Company.
"Oh my God, Shaaban!" Abella felt like her head was about to blow apart. And where are the…? Her body trembled and was reduced to tears; tears of frustration.
"Who killed him? And why?" Her mind working a hundred times more than normal, Abella heard feebly of the questions Elijah asked over the phone, to the personnel from TK Security whose call had awoken him from his sleep earlier that morning, breaking that shocking news. Can I go ahead and tell him of the photos...the video...the anonymous I'm supposed to meet today?
No, you shouldn't...
Yes, you should...
Oh Lord…!

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On weddings By Myers Hansen

Happy new month everyone. I read this interesting piece by an online friend of mine and I couldn't help but share it here. Read and please share your perspective too ...on weddings.

Yeah mehn, Shaibu's wedding two Fridays ago was the bomb, I was there! Sorry…that isn't right.
What actually happened was; I went to Shaibu's bachelor party two Fridays ago, not the wedding -- but I did nurse intentions of going to his wedding the next day…yea, that's what happened. I saw the wedding photos on facebook.com, and that is
how i know it was awesome.

Bachelor party

Let's start off this essay the night before, shall we?
Bachelor party – sometimes referred to as the gentleman's evening! Isn't that the one where the groom to be, has one final permission, in one night,
to play 'solo', and so all characteristics of the 'adolescent freedom of bachelorship' are crammed into a few nightly hours, in the company of his male friends? I'm talking booze (a lot of booze), gambling, hazing, severe clubbing, and, well, strippers – essentially, that peculiar rite of passage into a more, well, responsible life?

My expectations when I was going for this event were mixed; I was
both tickled by mild fear and nervous excitement. Shaibu's party was rather 'civil'; just a gathering of young men evoking (mostly with fulfilment)
memories from the past decade or so, at the bank of the next decade, at least. There was definitely enough 'pepper water' to go around, and enough carefully dug anecdotes to competently wet the groom to be with embarrassment, also a lot of fun
memories to sustain the realm of the sitting. The other 'disturbing' rituals characteristic of a bachelor party were 'left out', so my emotions when I was leaving were also mixed – on one hand I was excited at how successful the sitting went, but again, I was mildly disappointed that boundaries
weren't 'sufficiently' pushed.

How would you describe weddings?

What five words come to mind when someone mentions the word 'wedding'? What five words, in your opinion, describe weddings?
'Beautiful, heartfelt, faithfulness, old-fashioned yet in vogue, entertaining'.
These are Abena's choice in words when I posed this question to her (Abena is a childhood friend), and they are both unusual and interesting words. They're not your conventional wedding words, but I think they describe weddings just fine. I particularly like how she thinks weddings are so archaic and cliché and yet also fashionable. I also find it fascinating how she finds 'entertainment' in such a profound ceremony.
I asked Tuntum Broni too. She is a very nice person, but she's still a stranger at this point. She mentioned quite the obvious words, words which,
in many ways, are 'nearer' to the word 'wedding' than Abena's; husband, honeymoon, kids, church
and parents.

What would be your five words? What feelings do weddings invoke?
Then I asked for five feelings the thought of 'weddings' invoke, first from Abena: 'mushy, warm and fuzzy, uncertain, tension, happiness'
Oh she's grown, she's thinking about marriage, but her teenage self pays surprise-visits occasionally, you can hear it in the words she uses in that
moment. I mean, 'mushy', warm and 'fuzzy'?
Seriously, are they even official dictionary words yet? I expected more 'philosophical' words…if you
catch my drift, but I understood what she was trying to say. You know, there's a place weddings take us; when, for brief moments, our hearts feel warm and are willing to accept and replace reality to Disney fairy-tales. That place which feels so beautiful, it makes you want to cry –so I understood what she meant…I just found her words a bit, well, uninspiring.

Of course I needed further clarification…so I asked her this:
'…happiness is the only 'all-out' bright word in the list. Why?' …because if you look at all the words critically you'll notice that happiness is the only 'durable' word there. All the other words feel temporary, fleeting. And this is what she gave as response:

'Mushy, warm and fuzzy aren't bright words? I don't know how other women feel…for me, initially it's all positive, and then I start thinking about my
turn. When it's going to be, if I'll make the right decision and so on. But later, I put it aside and celebrate with the newly-weds.'
I found her answer curiously personal. Either she leaked or I realised (more likely the second) her nervous anticipation of her own wedding. Perhaps too, she had helped me see a new truth. True happiness isn't found in the wedding, it's just traces that are visible. Real happiness should be found in the marriage (decades long), not in a few hours of merrymaking.

Tuntum Broni gave me just three words; love, fear and excitement. She tells me she is excited at the fulfilment of a teenage dream something I have come to notice, is the dream of many other young woman. She also tells me that weddings take her into a dream, not a fairytale, but a sort of territory. I also could smell a weird fear in her tone when she spoke about it. She tells me that it is common with many other women, and I believe her. What I don't understand though, is why someone would be scared of something which suggests so many good things.

What weddings represent

Marriage (the ceremony), doesn't enchant me very much, but before you conclude anything, that isn't
why I missed The Shai's wedding! Unfortunately, my alibi (equally) isn't the one which can (or should) easily be forgiven –I got so wasted the
night before, the wedding was over by the time I woke up, but my reason for not making the wedding was certainly not related to my 'love affair'
with weddings…whatever its worth.

Back to my point: I think weddings are just another occasion for vacant materialism by people who want to rub their good fortunes in the faces of
others, another avenue to pour their idiotic excitement or actualize a shallow teenage fantasy.
A large part of weddings don't make sense, to me; the ring, for instance. It was described somewhere as a 'consumerist piece of zinc which doesn't matter'. Look at the dressing, for instance. Sheer vanity! I went through many wedding photos while
researching for this essay. They all look so happy (the brides especially), and you'd think their smiles were love smiles, but actually, they are smiles in
excitement of their 'dream wedding'; how they've found the right shoes, perfect dress and ring and cake. I honestly didn't see anything beyond the blatant vanity.
I also looked for articles as part of preparation for my own article. Most of them talked about the perfect wedding and honeymoon locations and flowers and cakes and all of that. It was even a bit impressive, how beautifully the 'commodity of marriage' has been packaged. None
of them actually focused on the actual substance of weddings, and so I find a problem there.

Surely, there is more to weddings…there has to be. There's the symbol of union between two souls, there is the promise of happiness and unconditional love. There's also the expression of hope and faith. There's acknowledgement at the uncertainties of that journey, and yet the showing of courage and defiance at any obstacles or trials on the road (for
better for worse).

Marriage, the phenomenon

Marriage is a contract, usually between two people (a man and a woman) to be in each other's business for the rest of their lives, everybody knows that. But on a rather serious note, marriage is a
phenomenon of both hope and certainty –such a contrast! You are certain (there's usually something childish about it), in that moment, that it's the right thing to do, the only thing to do. But again, you have genuine hopes to make it to the
very last day of 'happily ever after'. If you're that certain, why do you still passionately harbor any hopes at all? After all, you are sure it will happen –
your fairytale.
It is a matter of trust, unconditional trust. To be able to say to another person that it is them you want to be custodian of your emotions and hopes is something really serious. Before a person even considers that, it means they have found worth (of a deeper, almost abnormal level) in you. It is also an issue of profound responsibility to bear, almost something of a spiritual nature. And so there are vows, to seal this at all levels. I've got a question for you though; if trust has been established, why the need for a contract? But hey, that's just me and the way I feel about these things…

And now your reasons…
Back at the bachelor party that Friday, I thought Shaibu was a bit too relaxed and not sufficiently nervous for an event like this. In fact, he didn't look
even a bit nervous to me. So I asked the reason for his level mood. He shrugged. Then he said something so obvious, and yet so profoundly wise
(but then again, he's always been a wise man). He said that, even having kids with a woman shouldn't be compulsion to marry her. Being sure that she's the one you want to travel the journey with is…and I'm done.

Myers Hansen is a freelance reporter in Ghana. You can follow him on twitter: @myershansen

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YOU CHEAT, I CHEAT

Won't it be nice to pay back your cheating spouse in his or her own coin? That will feel good, right? But what if by the end of the day, the expected feeling of satisfaction is missing, does your act of cheating back on your partner yield any justification? Let's consider the following scenario.

Kemi just found out that her husband of three years had been cheating on her for a year now with his ex-girlfriend. She mistakenly stumbled on some text messages exchanged between them on his phone. She is furious and felt betrayed. Unable to keep the shock to herself, she attacked her husband as a way of confrontation. Calling him names and accusing him of betraying her trust in him. Instead of getting a repentant husband, she rather got an unremorseful husband, and this made her angrier. After all the time and energy she had invested in their marriage and her reward is cheating??? The shock of this sudden revelation got her festering with anger inside. It was still unbelievable that her husband would cheat on her after everything they had been through together. Each night as she lay beside him, she wondered how he could still sleep so soundly while she nurtures the hurt of his betrayal. It seems so unfair. He should be worried too. If he is not feeling bad about it, then she should make him pay one way or the other. The pain and anger inside of her is building up inside and she needed to vent it out somehow but don't know how.

The only way she feels she would be even with her husband is if she gives him a taste of his own pudding: cheat on him.

Mike is also entertaining the idea of cheating on his girlfriend whom he suspects is having a secret affair with her boss in the office. Though he hadn't caught them red-handed but her attitude towards him had changed. She no longer respect his opinions and was always with her boss; either on phone or in the office. The wonderful presents and tips her boss sent to her confirmed his worst fears that they are indeed having an affair.
Feeling hurt and used, Mike feels there was no need trying to work on the relationship, he will probably have an affair too to feel good.
Is this really a wise idea?

At first, it feels great to pay back cheating with cheating but the end product is what matters.
If you cheat on your cheating partner, you might feel good. He cheats, I cheat. It becomes a game or competition, who will surrender.
It will also give you an air of freedom. You feel empowered. Why should I be the one to condone his/her cheating. If they are not feeling remorseful about it, then I should do the same.
These are all wonderful momentary feelings
If by the end of the day, you don't get justification of the hurt you feel inside, then you are back to square one.
No one likes to be cheated on and we(women) are tired of hearing it's the man's world to cheat. Cheating is bad for relationships, and enough of the "it's a mistake" because we know it's actually a choice.

Learning how to deal with a cheating spouse is imperative if you want to have a long lasting relationship. Cheating back on your partner will only aggravate the matter and if the truth be told, there is no actual good feeling about it.

For you to overcome this problem, you might want to discuss it with your partner and let them know how you feel about it. If it's too unbearable for you to bear, let him give you time and space to think over it.

The next step is to make a decision, which is either to help your partner overcome it or to go your separate ways. I hope you choose the former. Relationships or marriages don't have to end in cheating. There should be room for second chance unless your partner is a total jerk.

Once you've made up your mind on what to do, then you have to make an agreement with your partner to help you make the relationship better by putting a stop to their affair. This will help the healing process better.

Cheating back on your partner doesn't make you powerful or in control. All you end up doing is getting more hurt. Instead of cheating back on your partner, look for ways to improve your relationship.

Learn to love and appreciate your partner if you have stopped doing that.

Think of romantic ways you can get him/her connected back to you. Go on a date or plan some get- together that will remind him/her of the good times you once shared.

Open up your communication lines. Learn to communicate with your partner at all times. This will help in rebuilding the lost trust.

Remember, forgiveness heals faster than resentment. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Never pay back with cheating. It will only hurt you more.

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Help!!! I'm afraid of men...

Dear Vay,

It's been a while I have been in a good relationship. After going through series of relationship, I'm left with the notion that every man is a monster. You may think I'm a bit too harsh but the men I have dated so far gave me a hard knock on my head(pun intended). The last guy I dated left me because I refused to have sex with him. I know pre-marital sex is no longer a big deal but sex to me means more than the thrusting and the momentary pleasure. The one before him lied to me about his marital status and nearly ruined my life.

The uncertainty, the lies, the betrayal got me running away from men. Is there really a good man out there or are we just deceived that good men actually exist?
Or are the heart of men desperately wicked? Why can't a man treat a woman kindly?
So much violence, mistrust, and emotional abuse in relationships nowadays. Even men of God divorce their wives. Who is safe then from this evil men parading themselves everywhere? Please I want to meet a good man. And by good I mean "good" in all ramifications.
Eve
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Touch A Cell Dance-a-thon 2012

SAMI and Progeny foundation presents to you the yearly Touch a Cell Dance-a-thon which will be taking place tomorrow, the 25^th of Oct., 2012. Touch a Cell Dance-a-thon is a dancing competition among youths and secondary schools with the aim of creating sickle cell awareness. There will be free Health Check, Genotype Screening, sickle cell talks and more.

Artistes such as Vector, Phenom,  Ambassage, Tolu (Project Fame), Jufex, Debbie, Da Soul Xplorers and DJ Bammie will be performing at the event.

Venue: Kernel St Park, off Amosu St, off  Bode Thomas, By UBA, Surulere, Lagos..

Time:  10am

This event is also supported by NBC, Genotype Foundation, Unique Health Consult, Mona Mathews, Genie Infotech, Expand Press, Strikt Music, We Think Alike Media, SPL and  Tripple O Ent.  

Let’s dance for a change!!!!

Will a woman's love cure my heartbreak from men?

I got this message from a reader on BBM and she wants your advice. Personally, I'm indifferent to lesbianism. But I do think that heartbreaks in relationships is not gender based. Anyway, read and do please give her an advice...

Hi Vay,
I need an advice. I'm thinking of becoming a lesbian. I have been through a lot of heartbreaks from men that can last me for a lifetime, and I'm tired of it all. I can't take the pain anymore. I feel having a girlfriend as a lover will do me more good since she is a woman like me, I think I can deal with the package.
I have only been with a woman once and I liked it. But this time I want to have a relationship with a woman. Simply put, I want to be a lesbian. But I'm scared. My religion forbids it. I'm also scared of what society will think of me. Please I need an advice from anyone. Thank you.
K.

When attraction becomes distraction

Getting attracted to someone other than your partner is not a big deal but how you handle that attraction is.
It's common to feel attracted to the new girl in the office or to your boss, it's natural. We deal with attractions daily in our lives and often times it's not based on physical appearance alone, it could be character or intelligence or other qualities.
Managing this attraction outside your relationship is a big issue for some couples. Attractions could lead to distractions which could lead to affairs and this may eventually ruin your relationship.

Is it wrong to date my ex's sister

A friend of mine on BBM was chatting with me over the weekend about his dilemma and would want to get readers opinion on the above subject.

Hi Vay,
Please I would like to know if it is wrong to date my ex's sister. You see, I secretly dated this young lady two years ago. We had a wonderful relationship but my problem with her was that she was too cagey. At a point, I felt too suffocated and had to break up with her to breathe some fresh air. We stayed in the same neighbourhood but since our relationship was unknown to others, we saved ourselves the public pity.

Recently, her elder sister has been fond of me. You know how it is in the estate; we are like a small family unit. We met at a supermarket and we got talking. She will call me late in the evening for a stroll and I realised I like her. She was funny, lovely, silly at times but more matured than her younger sister.

I once made a move on her but apologised later. She wasn't miffed a bit. But the problem is that she is now making a move on me. Just yesterday(Thursday) she took my BB charger cos she forgot hers in the office. When I went to her place to collect it, she tried to kiss me and caress me but I stopped her. I don't know why but I guess I felt guilty loving her when she is not aware that I dated her younger sister two years ago.

She was in the university back then and my ex relocated to abuja few months ago.

I don't know if I should tell her about my relationship with her sister but I'm scared I might lose her cos I really like her and would love to date her.
Pls I need your advice...

Do you have any relationship issue you would like to share? Send an email to vaysylver@gmail.com
BB pin: 29263C09

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The Wrath of Jezebel by Amos Bwire...contd

What's happened to me? Her mind was in a blur, as she tried to comprehend the turn of events that had gone by. Oh, am I dreaming…!
No, she was not. And as her memory drifted back to a shocking realization, Abella got filled with an abrupt sense of paranoia. Or please, someone pinch me! She wondered, pulling herself up and sat upright.

Her memory was becoming vivid. She recalled being assisted off the floor, by someone. A man... Yes it was a man.
"Madam! Madam! What happened…?" It was the voice of her security guard calling her out, several times. Oh yes,
Shaaban! Was it him! Yes, him!
Staring at her dress, all descriptive memory came back in place. This is real! She thought as shock overwhelmed her. For how long have I passed out? She wasn't clear. And where is the…? Her heart thumped.

Her eyes roamed around the room, urgently. "Oh God!" She muttered. Am I imagining things…?
No, she was not. Her distinct and striking mental memory told her, before she lost her consciousness she was staring at a bunch of her obscene photos, and a video disc that had lord-knows-what inside it. Both items had now disappeared.

She rushed outside the house. "Shaaban! Shabaan!" She called out; no response. She roamed around the house; no signs of him. Inside his booth; he wasn't there. She opened the gate, shouting his name, madly. There was no single sign of any movement in the neighborhood. Her
wristwatch said it was half past midnight.

Elijah!
She banged the gate and went to the
garage. Only one car was there; hers. She rushed back inside the house. Insanely, Abella pushed and pulled furniture around, flipping up cushions
and stuff. She was losing her mind. Here and there were her stifled groans, as her head throbbed. She saw them not. Giving up the search, her hands clamped onto her banging
head. "Shaaban. Shaaban," Her voice was hoarse.
"Why are you doing this to me...?"
From the top of a bookshelf, she saw her cellphone. Who put it there? She rushed to pick it up. Suddenly, Lucinda came back in her mind. She punched the digits. Lucinda's number was not reachable. She tried again, five more times; not reachable. Same was to her alternative line.

Frustrated, Abella threw the phone across the sofa. Her shoulders fell. "What's happening to me?" She murmured at herself, slapping her
hands weakly against the sides of her hips.

To be continued...
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WILL YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND SPOUSE???

Sleeping with a best friend spouse is usually an act done out of jealousy, mistake or the case of opportunity presents itself and is better kept as a secret. But when your best friend gives you the green light, will you turn on the ignition?
This seems not to be a big problem for the former WWE championship wrestler, Hulk Hogan, whose sex tape went viral last week. Hulk Hogan confessed on a TV show recently that the woman in his sex tape was Heather Clem, the now-estranged wife of his best friend, Bubba the Love Sponge. Hulk said he was having issues at home with his wife and Bubba, a syndicated DJ came to the rescue by offering his wife to Hulk. What are best friends for?
If you were in Hulk's shoes, would you sleep with your best friend spouse? Even when they have given you their blessings to commit the act, would you?
Let the heat begin!!!
#TGIF#

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YAAAAAY!!!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

Yaaay!!! It's my birthday today, I'm a year older and also better today. Isn't it amazing to see another birthday?I feel so wonderful and  blessed to be alive today. Looking back  at my life, I would say , I haven't done that bad.

So what am I doing today? Well, I dug up some pretty old and funny pictures of me when I was still a toddler. Feel free to laugh, jest, drool and of course appreciate God's gift to man which is....moi!!! Watch the evolution...enjoy!!!

Ain't i cute? Was just three months old here.

Me and my mum 

The Wrath of Jezebel...contd by Amos Bwire

Tearfully, Abella had moved onto the bed, her body shuddering with anger and disbelief. Hands were on her sizzling head. A moment later she stopped crying took her cellphone and punched Lucinda's number.

"Your voice doesn't sound okay." It was Lucinda. "Are you fine, sweetie?"

"Not really, Lucy." 

"What happened?  Tell me. Tell me."

"He just hit me....."

"He what?"

"That's it Lucy."

"I can't believe this! But why?"

"I don't know.  He just jumped on me today and--" Suddenly, she was in mild sobs.

"Bastard!" Blurted Lucinda. "Tell me, did he hurt you? Is he there?"

"No. Not much, dear. He is not here. He wanted to tell me he is moving out. I told him 'go ahead,' and he got angry, hit me, and rushed out!"

"Oh that good. Pole honey!" Said Lucinda, her voice concerned. "He wants to move out? As if you would care!"

"Actually I'll be so glad! I'm tired of this man!"

"Can I come and pick you up?"

"No. I'm coming."

"Ok, sweetie. I'll be waiting then…And I have a surprise for you, tonight."

"Oh, Lucy!" 
 
As the phone line went off, Abella heard a doorbell chiming. It was the watchman.
"Sorry madam, someone just came by and handled me this." It was a small parcel, wrapped neatly, in a gift paper, and there was a greetings card attached onto it. "He said it's for you."

"Lucy, Lucy, Lucy…" Abella hummed, before she opened the envelope. The card had but one sentence:

"Meet me tomorrow, 6pm sharp, at Serena."

What is this? She thought, anxiously. Still at the front door, Abella opened the parcel. There were at least 30 pictures, and a recorded video disk. The pictures were obvious, with various sexual scenes that were taken on at least six different occasions, involving her and Lucinda. Some were from Lucinda's mansion. Others from hotels' suites. Most of them had some filthy, jaw-dropping actions, various types of toys and with Abella mostly on the receiving end. The simplest of the photos involved of a deep kissing action that took place inside Lucinda's car.

Staring at her Pandora's Box, Abella got sweaty. Her chest thundered, heavily. "Oh, my God! Oh-oh-oh-my--" She tried to step back inside the house. But with just one step in, darkness clouded her vision. All sense of hearing suddenly faded. Her skeletal muscles lost control. She felt dizzy, before her body slumped to the floor. She blackened out.
 
Contd....
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The Wrath of Jezebel...contd By Amos Bwire...

"We have to talk…" It was almost 9pm. He was getting in from office, and with the worst news of his career.
"Talk..?" She was busy on a dresser. "What's there to talk about?"
He stared at her through the mirror as she was working out her face. "Where are you going?"
"Do I ever ask you that question whenever you go out?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" Her voice was stony. "That question should have been thrown back at you!"

WHY AM I STILL UNMARRIED

I  published the  article below on ThisDay newspaper two Sundays ago, 16th Sept, 2012 to be precise, and I want to share it here. The single status of young successful ladies out there is becoming worrisome each passing day. In fact, some men make jest of single ladies, claiming that their choosy nature has led them to their single status. Is it really true? Is a lady's decision to marry her dream man an obstacle to her marital status? I'm sure you've heard some comedians make fun of ladies whose choices  men decline as they grow older.  Do you agree with this? Are we really meant to be humble and let any man waltz into our life just because we don't want to be called an old maid? 

And to the men out there, seriously,  don't you want to settle down ? Is this social plight just a woman's problem or are the men also not afraid that they might become an old gent? 

Here is an excerpt of my published article on ThisDay newspaper. Let me know what you think about it and how we can help address the single staus of our sisters out there. Me inclusive(winks)…

 

Stella was in her early thirties and still unmarried. A shrewd entrepreneur, Stella lived a very comfortable life. Living in a three bedroom flat with her mum and siblings at one of the suburbs in Lagos, she was the ideal breadwinner any family could look up to. She catered for her family like a father would since hers passed away when she was still a teenager.

 She was a natural care giver. Always willing to help anyone in need. She placed others' needs before hers. As a sanguine, she easily made friends and people loved her without holds barred. She was playful, very articulate and blessed with the wisdom of a dove.

 Everyone loved having Stella around. She was a mother, a sister and a friend. If you have a problem, Stella was the ideal person to talk to because she would take her time to analyse the situation and give you the best solution she can offer.

 Though known for her witty remarks, Stella doesn't tolerate disrespect or injustice in any form. She doesn't waste time in saying her piece of mind when angered, even if it might hurt the other party's feeling.

 With all these high points, Stella was still unhappy. She felt incomplete, like there is something still missing in her life. And there was… A man.

 Stella was unmarried and each ticking of the clock caused her heart to beat faster. A ray of light gets dimmer once there is no shining knight standing in front of her asking for her hand in marriage. Often times she wondered if men out there were blind. She would stare at herself in the mirror, observing her curvaceous body, looking for signs of lapping folds, but none was visible.

 She was a pretty one. She has had many men tell her. Yet they don't want to take this pretty one to mama, to their home and make her lady of their household. What was wrong with men? She will cry out aloud sometimes. Or is Cupid blind or is someone from my village planning evil against me? On several occasions, she's been to one church or the other, seeking for a miracle and a solution to her single status. After series of fasting and praying, there is still no sign of her significant other.

Stella is frustrated. Not like she doesn't have men who ask her out for dates, the only problem is that they don't want to get serious. All they want is to hang out, probably sex if they are lucky and nothing more. And with the age clock ticking closely to her ears, Stella is desperate. She is scared that she might end up single.

 She had tried to adjust her manners and lifestyle like those self help books on relationship had advised her to do, yet no headway.  As if life hasn't made enough mockery of her already, every now and then a friend, relative, neighbour will call to invite her to a wedding of someone she used to know; maybe a frenemy or an ex-lover. And out of frustration, she will cry out to the Lord, asking Him to grant her her heart desires. In fact, she started attending weddings in order to find the lucky Mr. Right there.

 Her previous relationships have yielded no "will you marry me?" episode. They stay as much as they can until she can't stand them anymore. She is tired. What else is left for her to do? Why is she still unmarried…

 There are thousands of women out there who are in a similar situation like Stella. They have things going on for them. Everyone seems to tell them that they are wife materials, yet there are no husbands looking for them. The question on their lips is always "why am I still unmarried?"

  Stella is asking why men don't want to get serious and settle down with her.

So I  put the question to young men who are still bachelors, why don't you want to get married?
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WHY AM I STILL UNMARRIED

-->

 I  published the  article below on ThisDay newspaper two Sundays ago, 16th Sept, 2012 to be precise, and I want to share it here. The single status of young successful ladies out there is becoming worrisome each passing day. In fact, some men make jest of single ladies, claiming that their choosy nature has led them to their single status. Is it really true? Is a lady's decision to marry her dream man an obstacle to her marital status? I'm sure you've heard some comedians make fun of ladies whose choices  men decline as they grow older.  Do you agree with this? Are we really meant to be humble and let any man waltz into our life just because we don't want to be called an old maid? 

And to the men out there, seriously,  don't you want to settle down ? Is this social plight just a woman's problem or are the men also not afraid that they might become an old gent? 

Here is an excerpt of my published arrticle on ThisDay newspaper. Let me know what you think about it and how we can help address the single staus of our sisters out there. Me inclusive(winks)...

Stella was in her early thirties and still unmarried. A shrewd entrepreneur, Stella lived a very comfortable life. Living in a three bedroom flat with her mum and siblings at one of the suburbs in Lagos, she was the ideal breadwinner any family could look up to. She catered for her family like a father would since hers passed away when she was still a teenager.

The Wrath of Jezebel...contd by Amos Bwire

Majority had been in panic.
Elijah was among few in the Marketing
department that were not scared by rumors that spread around the company…rumors that layoffs were going to take place as the result of ongoing global financial crisis. His experience and hard work had been too obvious for his bosses not to
take notice. Twice in the past year he had been recognized with an employee-of-the-month award, and just last October he had been promoted from being a supervisor in Sales Section, to Deputy HOD, with his salary being more than trebled.
So, that Monday morning after he'd received a phone call from HRM office, Elijah guessed there was another good news coming. He gingerly walked into the HR office and cheerfully greeted some of the personnel, before he walked in to HRM cabin.
"Morning, Madam!" Greeted Elijah as he stepped his foot inside HRM cabin. His eyes flashed first on her broad classical desk that fitted well with the
decor of the neatly-polished space, before they climbed up to her light purple satin blouse that fitted well on what seemed like unadulterated bosom which made Ms. Ritha Gakere look a decade-and-a-half younger than her actual age of 45.
"Morning, Elijah." A dark-skinned Kenyan lady, Gakere, had her slender back leaned against a brand-new reddish brown leather throne. "Please have a seat."

The Wrath of Jezebel...contd by Amos Bwire

Did that kiss turn me on! Abella argued within, as
soon as Lucinda broke the kiss.
“You’re so beautiful, Abella,” Whispered Lucinda,
leaning slightly on Abella. “So fucking beautiful!”
What? Did I hear that correctly? Abella thought,
half shocked-half dazed. She saw a glimpse of
naked desire in Lucinda’s eyes. This is so bad! She
thought, indecisively and said “No, this is wrong!”
But in the act of betrayal, her own treasure was
twitching.
“Honey,” Said Lucinda, getting her face closer to
Abella's. “There is nothing wrong to being
pleasured.” This time the kiss became a bit
aggressive.
And the next hour was like a slideshow…

FRIDAY HEAT: Which would you prefer: To or not to know about your partner's secret love affair?

They say what you don't know won't kill you, right? Can this be related to a cheating spouse? It hurt at times to find out that the one you gave your heart to is having an affair with someone else. It could lead to the break up of a beautiful relationship especially if the pain is unbearable. But if you are kept in the dark about your partner's affairs, then you don't have to go through the pain of heartbreak right? In fact, you can choose to turn a blind eye because you don't want to be hurt. Nothing changes, you love her, you are happy. You feel that everything is OK in your relationship. As long as you don't know about her love affairs, you are alright. But then, the truth has a way of revealing itself.

But which do you think will help reduce the pain of heartbreak? To know about your partner's love affair with another man or woman or not? And if you would like to know about it, would you prefer they confess it to you or you just want to find out yourself?

It's the Friday Heat people...
Let the heat begin!!!

WHEN A GOOD MAN CHEATS

Every woman wants a man who will treat her right; it is like a dream come true. Someone who will always be there for her when she needs him, do all the housechores, give her the upper hand in an argument and all that mushy mushy stuffs that makes her simultaneously wobbly and powerful. Unfortunately, such men are hard to find. One will think if a woman should find such man, that she would hold him dear to her heart but the reverse seems to be the case in some occasions. A good man in a woman’s world is a man that has good moral standards, treat her like a queen and succumb to her wishes or demands without argument.
While in a man's world, such men may be seen as jerks or losers or even weak. Like for real, who does that? Why be in servitude to a woman's whiny tantrums when you are supposed to be in charge. You have to prove that you are a man by being the one in control. You dictate when things happen, not her.

FRIDAY HEAT: What would you do if you found out that your ex is HIV positive?

Shock? Fear? Joy?
What would be your first reaction to this harsh news especially if it's not too long ago you broke up with him/her?

Eno recently broke up with Esua. They have been on and off in their relationship for a while due to the conflict of their personality types. While Eno was an extrovert to the core, Esua was the exact opposite. Unwilling to find a meeting point, they both decided to go their separate ways. A week later, Esua came begging and after much display of emotions, they both ended up in bed. The following day, Eno still adamant to end the relationship FINALLY called it quits.
Two months later, Eno was shopping in a local market when she ran into one of Esua's buddy who told her that her ex has been diagnosed of HIV. If you were Eno what would you do?
#TGIF#
Let the heat begin!!!

"Any woman that is looking for Mr. Right will die single, old and wrinkle." -Bimbo Akintola

I culled this interview from The Nation newspaper online. I couldn't help but share it here. Her bluntness in the interview piqued me. (Wish all celebrities were like her)
For those who don't know this beauty queen, she is a versatile actress in Nollywood. A very articulate actress, Bimbo Akintola is known for her sultriness in movies.. Most of her popular movies include: "Unwritten", "Another New Day", "The Last Oath", but the movie that brought her to spotlight was "Out of Bounds". She recently starred in the movie "Hoodrush", (I haven't watched the movie yet...)
Read and enjoy this interview.

Your fans have missed you. Where were you before Hoodrush?

I've been around. My soap, Circle of three, was on TV for two years. I produced, I directed and acted. It was on for two years. And it went off the air about a year-and-a-half ago. And after that, you have Amazons. Amazons is on TV right now. The problem is, it's not like I don't like acting or I don't enjoy acting. There is nothing else I want to do with my life. I love acting. That's my passion. But I think at this point, it will be ridiculous for me to be doing useless films. That's how I see it. If I can't get a script that speaks to me, I won't work. I will find other things to sort out my bills and take care of me, and wait until I can do something sensible. The industry has been there for over twenty years. And at this point in time, I think we've gotten to the point where we should be doing great works, not mediocre works. Some scripts come to you, and you can't read the first page. It doesn't make sense at all from the first page. You can't keep saying oh, when we get on set, we'll work it out, because at the end of the day, I've seen some movies that I was in and I would cry because we didn't work it out. It didn't turn out right. If they don't have it together from the script, that means the technical work will be crap. So I say to myself now, until I get good scripts, I will sit at home. I do Yoruba movies. Why do I do Yoruba movies? The scripts are beautiful. The stories are original. People keep saying, why do you do Yoruba movies? Is it that you don't get English scripts? I could show you at least fifteen scripts in my house right now, but I can't read them. When I try and read the first two pages and I can't do it, I send it to my friend, who after two weeks, will call me and say, 'I'm not reading it. I can't do it. You can't act it. Do you understand?' How can Nollywood at this stage still be doing such mediocre work? Everywhere in the world, they know what Nollywood is. Why would we still be doing such mediocre work? I don't understand it and I'm not willing to be part of it. 

I don't get to see you with other actresses.Is this part of the reasons you don't even come out for premieres?

I do get invites to most of those things, but sometimes I'm not able to make it because I dohave other things that I do. A lot of emcee work. I anchor shows. And sometimes, such programmes clash with my own schedules. And if you say I don't mix with other actors, I do have actors who are my friends. It's just that I don't believe because we are in the same profession, we have to be friends. I pick my friends from the heart. If I see you and my heart says that you are my friend, then you're my friend. I've had friends who have been my friends for twenty years and we are still growing strong. You know what, friendship is a great relationship. It's almost like a marriage. And if you don't have the right friends, you are doomed. If you have the wrong friends, because they'll never tell you when you're going wrong, when you're getting too full of yourself, when you're taking the wrong step, and they are not there to support you when you need them. Friendship is like a marriage. I pick my friends with care and from my heart. I mean, I love Tonto Dikeh, I've met her once, I think she has a lot of respect. And I think she's absolutely beautiful. I love Omotola, and I would say she is my friend. But we don't see every day, we don't talk every day. But when we see, we're like together, gisting. That's the same thing with Stella. Keppy is one of my best friends, his wife, his whole family. They've been my friends for a long time. We are going on twenty years now. I still saw them today. That's how friendly we are. So, for me, friendship is not by profession. It's your heart that decides who your friends are.

Tonto Dikeh, Omotola both actresses are short-fused. Do you also share that trait?

You mean they have a temper? I've never seen it! You know people keep telling me that Omotola has a temper. I've never seen it! I don't believe it! Honestly, I think it's a story from somewhere that somebody started because I've worked with Omotola. And you know what, we were once together on a set where things went wrong, and if she truly has a short-fuse, she should have lost it on that day, but she didn't. We just started laughing, went to one corner, sat down and laughed, and said 'when they get themselves together they will call us.' So I've never seen this temper that they are going on about with. And if you say Tonto has a short-fuse, don't forget she's a young actress. And she's a brilliant actress. So she's getting a lot of attention. And some of it is not positive. And because she's just starting to deal with that, she might say things that people see as aggressive or wrong. But she will learn to ignore after a while because that's honestly the best thing to do.

Is that how you handle scandals?

I ignore a lot of things. You can never please everybody. I've known that since I was a child. And I believe in it totally. So you please yourself first and foremost, because at the end of the day, when we all die, you will stand in front of your Maker and face judgment alone. I always please myself first. It's not like I don't care about other people. I do care about other people, but I don't care what people say about me, and that's the difference. I care about my family, about my friends and they know me. If they think anything is wrong, they would ask me. But if you believe it without knowing me, without giving me a chance to defend myself, then you're not worth it. That's how I see it because you never judge a book by its cover. You never judge people by what you hear about them. You judge based on what you know. So if you can't take the time out to find out and be sure of what people are saying, then you're not useful and you're not worth it. I'm an actor. I studied Theatre Arts. I spent six years in the University of Ibadan. I did a diploma and then my degree. And I think for most of the writers in Nigeria, they also went to school of journalism. I'm sure there is something they taught them. You find out the truth before you write. Unfortunately, some of you don't.

Really…?

Let's be truthful. Some of you do not. It now looks as if instead of being together, because we can only build if we work together, it looks like we are trying to destroy what somebody else has  achieved. And I find that very painful. If you write about a woman, a married actress committing adultery, if it's true, put it there, and I will be the first to support you. But if it isn't, why do you do that? There was a publication about Kate Henshaw-Nuttal's child a long time ago. And it was the height of disgust. The person that wrote that story said whether her child was an albino or something. How on earth do you insult somebody's child? If it wasn't personal and you were now using your job to get revenge, why would you write that about somebody else's child? Why would you do that? Why would you write that Bimbo is dating ten men in Abuja when you know for certain that it didn't happen? Or you write that you saw me in Abuja at the airport fighting over runs money, which was also put in the papers. Why would you want to spoil my image for no reason? As an actor, we have a responsibility to the audience, to be happy anytime we see them, no matter what our mood is. You guys have a responsibility as well to tell the truth. If you're killing Nollywood, you are killing yourselves. What else is there to report if not Nollywood? So I find it very hard to understand why some journalists write what they write. It is sad. If I were a reporter, and I decided I wanted to write the bad things that actors do, and I agree you have a right to do that, because the public has a right to know if some of these people that they think are such great people are really great people, but you should be truthful.

I'm sure that you were particularly touched by Kate Henshaw's case because it involved her child. When do you plan having your own children?

I have loads of children.

I mean biological children?

Biological will come soon. But I have loads and loads of children. I even have children who are married and giving me grandchildren (laughs).

You just talked about your children who are married. Does it bother you that you're not married?

That's the bad thing, I never attend weddings. But I attended my sister's wedding. I'm not a wedding, naming ceremony, burial person. I really don't understand what I'm doing there. But I'm a birthday person. However, it doesn't bother me. I will tell you why, we are all individuals who have different paths to take in life. Some of us will marry. Some of us won't. Some of will have kids. Some of us won't. Some of us won't be able to. So I never judge myself according to other people's standards. And for me, marriage is such a huge deal and I'm not in a hurry to go there. That's the truth. If you find maybe two of my ex's, you will find out that I've had proposals. But I turned them down because at the end of the day, you are saying 'I pick this person above everybody else in the world, till death do us part.' I had better believe that! If I don't believe it, it's not going to happen. Look, I will be 70 and single if I don't believe it.

But do you believe in the maxim 'happily ever after’?

There can be happily ever after, but it takes a lot of hard work. You have to work at it. Relationship is work. Friendship is work. Marriage is bigger, bigger, bigger work. Marriage is the hardest institution on the face of the earth. As boyfriend and girlfriend, you guys are cool. You have an argument; you will vex, pack your loads and go to your house. He will come and beg you. Marriage, where are you going? Do you understand? You are in each other's space day-in-day-out as long as you are together. And that takes a lot. It's not the easiest thing to do. You're from a different background, he's from a different background; you guys are different people. You will always have problems until you find even ground. And it takes a lot of hard work to stay there. When my colleagues tell me 'oh Bimbo, I'm getting married', I always ask them one question. Are you sure?

Could it mean that you weren't sure of the guys you've dated?

I never dated anybody and thought to myself, 'oh, I want to marry this person and stay with this person for the rest of my life.' It's only normal that when you're dating someone, then you should have marriage in view… Opon ti sun (times have changed). Let me tell you the truth. Times have changed. It was back then that they say 'oh! At forty-something, you're not married. You are no longer on the shelf.' There is no such thing again. People are getting married at forty-eight. My friend's aunty got married; she's fifty-six, first marriage. In the village they did big wedding. I couldn't understand it. But you know what, it's happening every day, everywhere. It's no more a thing of you are old you can't get married. It's when you find the right man. And I'm glad parents are beginning to realise that they shouldn't put so much pressure on their children. That was why I did Circle of three, to talk about that pressure. Don't put pressure on your child. That's why marriages are collapsing everywhere. By the time everybody has frustrated the girl in their house, she jumps into the first thing to come along, and two months later, she's back at home. Marriage is over. And that is such a big shame.

You have shown that you love kids. Is there a possibility that you might have kids out of wedlock?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with having kids out of wedlock. It was before that they will say bastard, now it's normal.

Is that not a shift in value?

Is it? It's not a shift in value. It's says in the Bible that God removed a rib from man, Adam, and created his woman. What if your own rib creator has died? Some people die at infancy. Some people die in car accident. Are they not somebody's husband? And some people become monks, priests, that don't marry. If it is in the Bible that each woman is created for a man and some men have died, that means some women's husbands have gone. So manage your life and be happy. And does that mean such women should not have children? Let's even leave that aside. What if you are unlucky and you keep having relationships over and over and you've not found the right man. Or it never works out. Would someone tell you that at 45, you shouldn't have a child? If husband no come, pikin no go come? That will be unfair now. That's two blows to deal one person. Some women out there really want to settle down, but they can't find a man. So are you going to tell me that for those women, they shouldn't have children? It's not possible. You will be wicked to say that.

What is the quality of your ideal man?

There is no such thing as ideal man. What you get is a man that you can laugh with and then you build from there. Any woman that's looking for Mr. Right will die single, old and wrinkle. There is no perfect man. There is no perfect woman. What you have is a work in progress. Each of us is a work in progress.

You played the role of a sugar mummy in Hoodrush. From the experience of previous write- ups about you, do you prefer younger men, or is it a misconception?

I like men generally (laugh). I know what you're talking about. Let me tell you what happened with Dimeji. He came to interview me from Genevieve Magazine. And at the end of the shoot, he says, can I have a picture with you and I said yes and I held him like this and we took a picture and that was it. He became my lover. I haven't spoken to that boy since that shoot. I'm serious. Is it that every man or woman you hug is a lover? Do you understand? But it's ridiculous, because we can't keep doing this.

Your picture with OC Ukeje in a compromising state has been generating a lot of buzz. What's your take on it?

I think that is Nigerians at their funniest. This is how it is, you put a picture of two people, in what they see as a compromising situation or position in papers, and the next thing is, it has to be that they are dating. Lord, help us! I hope we get past this and behave like educated people someday and let go off all these things. When they tell you something is from a set, that means it's a make-believe, not true.