The Wrath of Jezebel...contd by Amos Bwire

Yay!!! Jezebel is back!!! After going MIA for 2weeks, I'm happy to bring to your stable the heart-warming Jezebel story by my lovely Tanzanian friend.
I hope you enjoy it and have a wonderful Sunday too...

Her heart nearly popped off her chest as she saw the front door opening, slowly.
Seeing Elijah stumbling in, limply, she exhaled. He was overly drunk. "C'mon! This is too bright, man, argh!" He winced painfully at the harsh light in the lounge. A hand glued over his shrunk eyes. A halve of his shirt was untucked, so were her shirt buttons. The clock ticked at three-fifteen.
A few steps in, Elijah tripped over his own feet and nearly fell to the ground, but he managed to grab the edge of the sofa, and slumped, heavily over it. Seeing him in that state, Abella breathed a slight sigh of relief.
Elijah tried to lift himself up, but failed. His head lolled against the top of the sofa.
She dragged herself and went on to help him over. "Hmmm." Elijah sighed, trying to snuggle against the side of the sofa. "Phaaanks, baybee. I-don't kno-w whuat I'll do with-out youuu..."
Abella was busy aligning his heavy body safely on the sofa.

"I'm phired!" Blurted Elijah, drunkenly. "I'm Phuucking phired! F-I-R-E-D! I don't know how much longer I can phuucking last before I…."
Whatever he muttered afterwards was known only to himself. He was gone.
Abella gave a ghostly sigh. She waited until she heard him snoring heavily, then quietly she pulled herself away, scanned the room for the last moment, hoping against hope. In despair, Abella got to the kitchen, pulled out a bottle of wine and took her perplexed mind to the bedroom.
___________________________

She rolled out of bed, glancing at a wall clock; it was ten-to-six. A bottle of wine had stoned her sorry-mind out for an hour and a half. But apart from a horrible wine breath and a mild headache, Abella didn't feel much of a hungover.
Gently, she walked towards the bathroom without waking Elijah, who was in a noisy sleep. How did he manage to get in here? Abella wondered, staring at her snorting husband.

Fired! Did he say he was fired? She wondered, glancing at the clock again, then back at him before she pushed the door.

Halfway through the processes, Abella heard a thunderous knock on the door. "Hey! Hey! Quick! Come and see this!" It was an urgent voice of Elijah. He sounded sober. She nearly collapsed. Oh my God, the photos! The video! She grabbed the towel, braced herself before opening the door and stepped to the bedroom.
Standing in front of a TV set, Elijah had his cellphone on one hand, and a remote control on the other. His eyes were frozen dead as he watched that news program.

Laid on a Police Land Rover's trunk, was a bloodied human body wrapped in khanga. According to one witness, a passerby who happened to be the first to see the body that he claimed had been sprawled across the trench, along Mandela road at External area; it seemed that "Whoever killed this man had no thievery intention. There were thirty thousand shillings in his wallet, together with his employee identity card. But his eyes were chopped off; his heart was ripped off his chest and thrust inside his mouth. And he was actually castrated… Well, actually all his genitals are missing!" Concluded the witness; a man of mid-fifties, to an eager, female TV reporter.

The ID card found inside the deceased-uniform's pocket showed that the man was actually Shaaban Khamis, a Security guard with TK Security Company.
"Oh my God, Shaaban!" Abella felt like her head was about to blow apart. And where are the…? Her body trembled and was reduced to tears; tears of frustration.
"Who killed him? And why?" Her mind working a hundred times more than normal, Abella heard feebly of the questions Elijah asked over the phone, to the personnel from TK Security whose call had awoken him from his sleep earlier that morning, breaking that shocking news. Can I go ahead and tell him of the photos...the video...the anonymous I'm supposed to meet today?
No, you shouldn't...
Yes, you should...
Oh Lord…!

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

On weddings By Myers Hansen

Happy new month everyone. I read this interesting piece by an online friend of mine and I couldn't help but share it here. Read and please share your perspective too ...on weddings.

Yeah mehn, Shaibu's wedding two Fridays ago was the bomb, I was there! Sorry…that isn't right.
What actually happened was; I went to Shaibu's bachelor party two Fridays ago, not the wedding -- but I did nurse intentions of going to his wedding the next day…yea, that's what happened. I saw the wedding photos on facebook.com, and that is
how i know it was awesome.

Bachelor party

Let's start off this essay the night before, shall we?
Bachelor party – sometimes referred to as the gentleman's evening! Isn't that the one where the groom to be, has one final permission, in one night,
to play 'solo', and so all characteristics of the 'adolescent freedom of bachelorship' are crammed into a few nightly hours, in the company of his male friends? I'm talking booze (a lot of booze), gambling, hazing, severe clubbing, and, well, strippers – essentially, that peculiar rite of passage into a more, well, responsible life?

My expectations when I was going for this event were mixed; I was
both tickled by mild fear and nervous excitement. Shaibu's party was rather 'civil'; just a gathering of young men evoking (mostly with fulfilment)
memories from the past decade or so, at the bank of the next decade, at least. There was definitely enough 'pepper water' to go around, and enough carefully dug anecdotes to competently wet the groom to be with embarrassment, also a lot of fun
memories to sustain the realm of the sitting. The other 'disturbing' rituals characteristic of a bachelor party were 'left out', so my emotions when I was leaving were also mixed – on one hand I was excited at how successful the sitting went, but again, I was mildly disappointed that boundaries
weren't 'sufficiently' pushed.

How would you describe weddings?

What five words come to mind when someone mentions the word 'wedding'? What five words, in your opinion, describe weddings?
'Beautiful, heartfelt, faithfulness, old-fashioned yet in vogue, entertaining'.
These are Abena's choice in words when I posed this question to her (Abena is a childhood friend), and they are both unusual and interesting words. They're not your conventional wedding words, but I think they describe weddings just fine. I particularly like how she thinks weddings are so archaic and cliché and yet also fashionable. I also find it fascinating how she finds 'entertainment' in such a profound ceremony.
I asked Tuntum Broni too. She is a very nice person, but she's still a stranger at this point. She mentioned quite the obvious words, words which,
in many ways, are 'nearer' to the word 'wedding' than Abena's; husband, honeymoon, kids, church
and parents.

What would be your five words? What feelings do weddings invoke?
Then I asked for five feelings the thought of 'weddings' invoke, first from Abena: 'mushy, warm and fuzzy, uncertain, tension, happiness'
Oh she's grown, she's thinking about marriage, but her teenage self pays surprise-visits occasionally, you can hear it in the words she uses in that
moment. I mean, 'mushy', warm and 'fuzzy'?
Seriously, are they even official dictionary words yet? I expected more 'philosophical' words…if you
catch my drift, but I understood what she was trying to say. You know, there's a place weddings take us; when, for brief moments, our hearts feel warm and are willing to accept and replace reality to Disney fairy-tales. That place which feels so beautiful, it makes you want to cry –so I understood what she meant…I just found her words a bit, well, uninspiring.

Of course I needed further clarification…so I asked her this:
'…happiness is the only 'all-out' bright word in the list. Why?' …because if you look at all the words critically you'll notice that happiness is the only 'durable' word there. All the other words feel temporary, fleeting. And this is what she gave as response:

'Mushy, warm and fuzzy aren't bright words? I don't know how other women feel…for me, initially it's all positive, and then I start thinking about my
turn. When it's going to be, if I'll make the right decision and so on. But later, I put it aside and celebrate with the newly-weds.'
I found her answer curiously personal. Either she leaked or I realised (more likely the second) her nervous anticipation of her own wedding. Perhaps too, she had helped me see a new truth. True happiness isn't found in the wedding, it's just traces that are visible. Real happiness should be found in the marriage (decades long), not in a few hours of merrymaking.

Tuntum Broni gave me just three words; love, fear and excitement. She tells me she is excited at the fulfilment of a teenage dream something I have come to notice, is the dream of many other young woman. She also tells me that weddings take her into a dream, not a fairytale, but a sort of territory. I also could smell a weird fear in her tone when she spoke about it. She tells me that it is common with many other women, and I believe her. What I don't understand though, is why someone would be scared of something which suggests so many good things.

What weddings represent

Marriage (the ceremony), doesn't enchant me very much, but before you conclude anything, that isn't
why I missed The Shai's wedding! Unfortunately, my alibi (equally) isn't the one which can (or should) easily be forgiven –I got so wasted the
night before, the wedding was over by the time I woke up, but my reason for not making the wedding was certainly not related to my 'love affair'
with weddings…whatever its worth.

Back to my point: I think weddings are just another occasion for vacant materialism by people who want to rub their good fortunes in the faces of
others, another avenue to pour their idiotic excitement or actualize a shallow teenage fantasy.
A large part of weddings don't make sense, to me; the ring, for instance. It was described somewhere as a 'consumerist piece of zinc which doesn't matter'. Look at the dressing, for instance. Sheer vanity! I went through many wedding photos while
researching for this essay. They all look so happy (the brides especially), and you'd think their smiles were love smiles, but actually, they are smiles in
excitement of their 'dream wedding'; how they've found the right shoes, perfect dress and ring and cake. I honestly didn't see anything beyond the blatant vanity.
I also looked for articles as part of preparation for my own article. Most of them talked about the perfect wedding and honeymoon locations and flowers and cakes and all of that. It was even a bit impressive, how beautifully the 'commodity of marriage' has been packaged. None
of them actually focused on the actual substance of weddings, and so I find a problem there.

Surely, there is more to weddings…there has to be. There's the symbol of union between two souls, there is the promise of happiness and unconditional love. There's also the expression of hope and faith. There's acknowledgement at the uncertainties of that journey, and yet the showing of courage and defiance at any obstacles or trials on the road (for
better for worse).

Marriage, the phenomenon

Marriage is a contract, usually between two people (a man and a woman) to be in each other's business for the rest of their lives, everybody knows that. But on a rather serious note, marriage is a
phenomenon of both hope and certainty –such a contrast! You are certain (there's usually something childish about it), in that moment, that it's the right thing to do, the only thing to do. But again, you have genuine hopes to make it to the
very last day of 'happily ever after'. If you're that certain, why do you still passionately harbor any hopes at all? After all, you are sure it will happen –
your fairytale.
It is a matter of trust, unconditional trust. To be able to say to another person that it is them you want to be custodian of your emotions and hopes is something really serious. Before a person even considers that, it means they have found worth (of a deeper, almost abnormal level) in you. It is also an issue of profound responsibility to bear, almost something of a spiritual nature. And so there are vows, to seal this at all levels. I've got a question for you though; if trust has been established, why the need for a contract? But hey, that's just me and the way I feel about these things…

And now your reasons…
Back at the bachelor party that Friday, I thought Shaibu was a bit too relaxed and not sufficiently nervous for an event like this. In fact, he didn't look
even a bit nervous to me. So I asked the reason for his level mood. He shrugged. Then he said something so obvious, and yet so profoundly wise
(but then again, he's always been a wise man). He said that, even having kids with a woman shouldn't be compulsion to marry her. Being sure that she's the one you want to travel the journey with is…and I'm done.

Myers Hansen is a freelance reporter in Ghana. You can follow him on twitter: @myershansen

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

YOU CHEAT, I CHEAT

Won't it be nice to pay back your cheating spouse in his or her own coin? That will feel good, right? But what if by the end of the day, the expected feeling of satisfaction is missing, does your act of cheating back on your partner yield any justification? Let's consider the following scenario.

Kemi just found out that her husband of three years had been cheating on her for a year now with his ex-girlfriend. She mistakenly stumbled on some text messages exchanged between them on his phone. She is furious and felt betrayed. Unable to keep the shock to herself, she attacked her husband as a way of confrontation. Calling him names and accusing him of betraying her trust in him. Instead of getting a repentant husband, she rather got an unremorseful husband, and this made her angrier. After all the time and energy she had invested in their marriage and her reward is cheating??? The shock of this sudden revelation got her festering with anger inside. It was still unbelievable that her husband would cheat on her after everything they had been through together. Each night as she lay beside him, she wondered how he could still sleep so soundly while she nurtures the hurt of his betrayal. It seems so unfair. He should be worried too. If he is not feeling bad about it, then she should make him pay one way or the other. The pain and anger inside of her is building up inside and she needed to vent it out somehow but don't know how.

The only way she feels she would be even with her husband is if she gives him a taste of his own pudding: cheat on him.

Mike is also entertaining the idea of cheating on his girlfriend whom he suspects is having a secret affair with her boss in the office. Though he hadn't caught them red-handed but her attitude towards him had changed. She no longer respect his opinions and was always with her boss; either on phone or in the office. The wonderful presents and tips her boss sent to her confirmed his worst fears that they are indeed having an affair.
Feeling hurt and used, Mike feels there was no need trying to work on the relationship, he will probably have an affair too to feel good.
Is this really a wise idea?

At first, it feels great to pay back cheating with cheating but the end product is what matters.
If you cheat on your cheating partner, you might feel good. He cheats, I cheat. It becomes a game or competition, who will surrender.
It will also give you an air of freedom. You feel empowered. Why should I be the one to condone his/her cheating. If they are not feeling remorseful about it, then I should do the same.
These are all wonderful momentary feelings
If by the end of the day, you don't get justification of the hurt you feel inside, then you are back to square one.
No one likes to be cheated on and we(women) are tired of hearing it's the man's world to cheat. Cheating is bad for relationships, and enough of the "it's a mistake" because we know it's actually a choice.

Learning how to deal with a cheating spouse is imperative if you want to have a long lasting relationship. Cheating back on your partner will only aggravate the matter and if the truth be told, there is no actual good feeling about it.

For you to overcome this problem, you might want to discuss it with your partner and let them know how you feel about it. If it's too unbearable for you to bear, let him give you time and space to think over it.

The next step is to make a decision, which is either to help your partner overcome it or to go your separate ways. I hope you choose the former. Relationships or marriages don't have to end in cheating. There should be room for second chance unless your partner is a total jerk.

Once you've made up your mind on what to do, then you have to make an agreement with your partner to help you make the relationship better by putting a stop to their affair. This will help the healing process better.

Cheating back on your partner doesn't make you powerful or in control. All you end up doing is getting more hurt. Instead of cheating back on your partner, look for ways to improve your relationship.

Learn to love and appreciate your partner if you have stopped doing that.

Think of romantic ways you can get him/her connected back to you. Go on a date or plan some get- together that will remind him/her of the good times you once shared.

Open up your communication lines. Learn to communicate with your partner at all times. This will help in rebuilding the lost trust.

Remember, forgiveness heals faster than resentment. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Never pay back with cheating. It will only hurt you more.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Help!!! I'm afraid of men...

Dear Vay,

It's been a while I have been in a good relationship. After going through series of relationship, I'm left with the notion that every man is a monster. You may think I'm a bit too harsh but the men I have dated so far gave me a hard knock on my head(pun intended). The last guy I dated left me because I refused to have sex with him. I know pre-marital sex is no longer a big deal but sex to me means more than the thrusting and the momentary pleasure. The one before him lied to me about his marital status and nearly ruined my life.

The uncertainty, the lies, the betrayal got me running away from men. Is there really a good man out there or are we just deceived that good men actually exist?
Or are the heart of men desperately wicked? Why can't a man treat a woman kindly?
So much violence, mistrust, and emotional abuse in relationships nowadays. Even men of God divorce their wives. Who is safe then from this evil men parading themselves everywhere? Please I want to meet a good man. And by good I mean "good" in all ramifications.
Eve
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Touch A Cell Dance-a-thon 2012

SAMI and Progeny foundation presents to you the yearly Touch a Cell Dance-a-thon which will be taking place tomorrow, the 25^th of Oct., 2012. Touch a Cell Dance-a-thon is a dancing competition among youths and secondary schools with the aim of creating sickle cell awareness. There will be free Health Check, Genotype Screening, sickle cell talks and more.

Artistes such as Vector, Phenom,  Ambassage, Tolu (Project Fame), Jufex, Debbie, Da Soul Xplorers and DJ Bammie will be performing at the event.

Venue: Kernel St Park, off Amosu St, off  Bode Thomas, By UBA, Surulere, Lagos..

Time:  10am

This event is also supported by NBC, Genotype Foundation, Unique Health Consult, Mona Mathews, Genie Infotech, Expand Press, Strikt Music, We Think Alike Media, SPL and  Tripple O Ent.  

Let’s dance for a change!!!!

Will a woman's love cure my heartbreak from men?

I got this message from a reader on BBM and she wants your advice. Personally, I'm indifferent to lesbianism. But I do think that heartbreaks in relationships is not gender based. Anyway, read and do please give her an advice...

Hi Vay,
I need an advice. I'm thinking of becoming a lesbian. I have been through a lot of heartbreaks from men that can last me for a lifetime, and I'm tired of it all. I can't take the pain anymore. I feel having a girlfriend as a lover will do me more good since she is a woman like me, I think I can deal with the package.
I have only been with a woman once and I liked it. But this time I want to have a relationship with a woman. Simply put, I want to be a lesbian. But I'm scared. My religion forbids it. I'm also scared of what society will think of me. Please I need an advice from anyone. Thank you.
K.

When attraction becomes distraction

Getting attracted to someone other than your partner is not a big deal but how you handle that attraction is.
It's common to feel attracted to the new girl in the office or to your boss, it's natural. We deal with attractions daily in our lives and often times it's not based on physical appearance alone, it could be character or intelligence or other qualities.
Managing this attraction outside your relationship is a big issue for some couples. Attractions could lead to distractions which could lead to affairs and this may eventually ruin your relationship.